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Posted by: Jax | 2003/03/06

RAMMED INTO MY UNBORN CHILDS DADS CAR LAST NIGHT!!

Thank you for your reply to Single Parent Since Valentine's Day.Kenneth says he's uncertain about coming back.Says maybe in future but not soon. Not fair of him to keep me hoping.Is he too scared to face the consequences of a definite NO?Took me shopping for necessary items yesterday-very civil-a polite busiess transaction it seems.He spent 3 out of 6 years feeling loveless (engaged).She left him.Told friends that he physically abused her.He pushed me into a cupboard door very hard but otherwise no more than usual emotional abuse.He cries when he comes back-tells me nobody's every treated him so well & he's never had so much luv & fun.Yet he's now left 6 X in 19 mnths.Now that we're pregnant he doesn't "foresee" coming back.I never screamed and cursed at him but lost control last night.I threw a plastic garden chair @ him and drove my car into his on purpose.Appointment with shrink next week-can she give something to calm me?I'm irrational, depro & agressive?(9 weeks pregnant).He's still not told his parents/friends about our unborn child and says he'll do so when he's ready-says he's ashamed for leaving.PLEASE HELP.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Jax,
Good news that he feels ashamed for leaving --- he should be, and it shows that he at least realizes what he ought to do, even if he doesn't always do it. The shrink can discuss how best ou can handle your moods nowadays --- but she'll want to be cautious about providing medication during pregnancy, espeacially at this early stage, to protect the child. There are not necessarily risks, but the choices of medications have to be caefully made, and the uses limited.
Maybe he's lacking in confidence and maturity, and feels overwhelmed by the sitation of the pregnancy. Try not to overwhelm him ( men are notoriously bad at dealing with a woman's emotions, even their own ). he may come right eventually. But steer clear of the creative driving exercises --- not beneficial to anyone !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/07

You are both acting in an immature way. You might get further with him (though obviously not as far as commitment ...) if you tried to be calmer and to keep your cool, and in general your dignity as well.

I agree he's dodging his commitments, maybe not in a material way, but he certainly seems to be distancing himself from you. So you should start psyching yourself up for single motherhood. This b*****d is obviously not ready to be a daddy.

I don't know what you have decided about the baby, but don't feel that you are losing out on a great husband. He sounds like bad news to me. What a pity you could not prevent this pregnancy. Will he be willing to go on helping you financially? What I mean is, without you having to haunt the corridors of the nearest law courts in order to get support?

Had I been the Creator, I would have made people so that men and women took turns to get pregnant, have morning sickness, suffer rejection from the other partner, and, oh boy! give birth!! If men had to go through all that, Jax, you bet your boots the world population would be very small. No, I'm not making fun of your circumstances. I think your boyfriend is just one more bit of bad news girls like you can do without.

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