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Posted by: Well preserved 50 year old LADY fed up. | 2008/06/19

R there ANY decent50+ men in S.A ???????

CS, I apologize by taking up your professional time with something which might seems so banale but it is actually making me seriously depressed!
I am a 50 year old single lady, not too bad on the eye (ok, so can lose a few pounds) - look after my health, am well groomed, well read, reasonably educated, financially not starving, can dance, enjoy all the usual stuff but LORDY, where do you find decent men in this age group?
I decided to live dangerously and joined a well known online dating agency and found men, who say they are 51, till you see they are somewhere closer to 81 and death. Their comb over hair is kept in place by super glue, they tend to lose their teeth when trying to tell a good joke over dinner - they spend the whole evening trying to impress their date (me!) how wealthy and wordly they are but one fellow ended up eating the butter balls with the toothpicks, he dipped the serviette in the champagne to wipe off a stain on his 'Italian shoes' and the nightmare went on.
The really sad point? One of these dates, for a fact is a lecturer at a top university. The other chap lives in a palace, drives a gorgeous car so one would think doe not lack breeding .After we had enjoyed a super meal, I snuck a look under the folder when he went to the 'gents' to find that he had left the very professional, attentive waiter R8.50 for a meal which came close to R600.00! (My dates extravagant order, not mine!)Thankfully I had enough money on me to put matters right. This same man obviously enjoyed my company as he has he has tried to ask me out 3 times since!
What is happening to the men of society I ask? Myself and my female friends ask that? We can all pay for our own meal so don't need a sugar daddy - all we want is some good, decent, intelligent, up class gentleman company but have these 'gems' perhaps all immigrated to Planet Pluto?

Desperately lonely for the company of a decent, well spoken, behaved man!!!! but 6 months of membership has shown me this is just not possible!
Have a great week-end - you surely deserve them after getting nutter posts from woe-be-gone maidens like myself.

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Our users say:
Posted by: hungry | 2008/08/02

all the comments are great, rah rah! however, nothing beats a nice worm, beefy, muscly man to snuggle up against and make passionate love to at night...am i wrong? i to am 50 and i have to admit, TAINT nutin like what i just described! Now argue that!

Reply to hungry
Posted by: The goose | 2008/06/21

insightful thanx tango

Reply to The goose
Posted by: Tango | 2008/06/20

Great point. Another whole debate could start on that question! I am a woman and I think that there are many woman soooo deperate to have a man in their lives that they go from one to another on a perpetual manhunt, this in the end makes them. as you say, hammered turkeys. Good term.

Reply to Tango
Posted by: the goose | 2008/06/20

im 50 im told by many i look 45,proffesional intelligent,gainfully self employed,stable etc.YET why are so many women out there emotinally damaged, issue ridden and simply put hammered turkeys?
can anyone explain

Reply to the goose
Posted by: t | 2008/06/20

Reply to t
Posted by: just another girl | 2008/06/19

To all over fifties please watch Oprah tonight or record it....its all about living life and enjoying life over 40's and 50's ....perhaps those feeling like they need a little perk me up lift....get motivated to live your life....

Think back when you were in your 20's did you really enjoy your life back then....don't waste another day thinking and complaining, just enjoy the now....really enjoy each moment, life passes by and before you know it, you will be 70 then you will be thinking back when you were fifty and wondering why didn't I just enjoy!!! You will have pleasant memories....

Acceptance is the key acceptance of self and all the rest follows....


TANGO YOU GO GIRL!!!!

Reply to just another girl
Posted by: Tango | 2008/06/19

HURRAH!!!!!! Thanks Just another girl50something!! I agree 1000%%% !! LOL........life never promised us a partner for ever. Life happens. We get on with it and MAKE it pleasant for ourselves first - the rest will follow!!

Reply to Tango
Posted by: Just another girl fiftysomething | 2008/06/19

Tango, I think you have the right attitude, the minute you just accept yourself, your position and start enjoying YOUR life, you will attract people to you. By being very NEEDY and looking for someone to COMPLETE your happiness, you will always find that there are no PERFECT GENTLEMEN out there, just like YOU ARE NOT PERFECT....the men of 50 are looking to date women younger, in their late 20's and 30's. Thats why you will not find men of your own age group....they all want younger women. So you find older men and they don't add up to your perfect nice gentlemen...well age does take its toll on everyone. What your criteria is for the man of your dreams, well perhaps you would need to invent one, perhaps all the good ones are taken already, they are not single.....so perhaps all the single lonely men out there are the oddballs.....

The best way to find someone similar to you is to take stock of your talents, your hobbies, your interests, then join a club/church/society/ etc. and you will meet like minded people who share your interests, hobbies etc. eg If you enjoy hiking and the outdoors, join a hiking club...if you enjoy walking, join walk for life, its a very social club to meet people and besides you exercise at the same time and get to know other people. Even if you do not meet any other suitable males there, the others you do meet will always know of someone to introduce you to, same goes for any other organisation you join. Why not try volunteering, doing something for someone else, it will fill your lonely time and you may meet someone else as well....the more you socialise and mix with other people, the more people you will meet, the more you network, the more opportunity to get introduced to like minded people.

Right now focus on yourself and what makes you happy.

Reply to Just another girl fiftysomething
Posted by: Discussion | 2008/06/19

Hi there

Read my story (Discussion - how to talk to my man non-confrontationally) which annoyed Cybershrink (my apologies, it just ended up with me pouring my heart out). I wish I could find a kind and loving man. I don't care what he looks like as long as he is clean and of sober habits. A permanent and stable job would be a must. I deserve so much better, and wow in my case they look great at first, then years down the line....I'm 42 and quite frankly have given up. Where are all the really kind and good and gentle men who want someone like that too? I am very pretty look about 10 years younger than I am........I dunno hey, I would like to find someone like this (kind, gentle and loving) and I am in a relationship of 10 years that I don't have the balls to end. Its painful to stay and painful to break up. Maybe there is a real and legit dating agency out there. My cousin met someone on-line in the UK and they married a few months ago. This at 47 after she had previously married a toad. This time it seems she really found the proverbial prince.

I feel for you, really I do. I am in the same boat.

All the best.

Reply to Discussion
Posted by: Tango | 2008/06/19

I honestly believe one HAS to love ones self and own company, be very comfortable on your own before hooking up with someone else. At one stage I was also thinking I could never face been on my own in old age - but hey!! Its fun!! Life is what you make it. If you say you can not face the thought of been alone - then you won't. I would rather be on my own - happily - than make an unwise partnering for the sake of been a twosome.

Reply to Tango
Posted by: Riley | 2008/06/19

I know this is not a laughing matter, and I have no advice to give you (I'm a mere 23yr old little girl!) but I just wanted to let you know that you butter balls and Italian shoes made me laugh for the first time in a week! Thank you! :)

Reply to Riley
Posted by: Anon-a-muisie | 2008/06/19

If you are not a person (like me) who is ABLE to be without a partner you will continue to look and look as I did. Those who say you must learn to love yourself and and talk shit. I dont want to be alone and at the age of 41 let me tell you all i found for many years is :

alcoholics
cheaters
spungers
abusers
and and and
eventually on a dating sms thing I met my partner I am now with for 4 years... he's a workaholic but none of the above other things and he's rich so it suits me fine.

Girl you WILL HAVE TO kiss many many frogs but im sure will find - keep on dating and enjoy the suppers!

Reply to Anon-a-muisie
Posted by: Prof Ka.... | 2008/06/19

CS,
Please do not take this off. I would really like to hear these comments from matured ladies of our beautiful land.

Go girls!

Just before I let you, will you also explore why is this like that? Why do you not attract decent men of your age? Wha is value do you seek from these pursued relationships? If purely or mainly company, would age, therefore, be a factor for you girls? What criteria ought these men meet (other than years of living life)?

maybe describe "some good, decent, intelligent, up class gentleman company ";)

Would it be correct to state an observation that, it may be difficult for you to accept some of their good and bad traits alike?

Thank you for such an interesting reflections

Reply to Prof Ka....
Posted by: +40 | 2008/06/19

Get some younger guys i think it add something better because those ou toppies have run out of ideas
They can do better than those old guys

Reply to +40
Posted by: Tango | 2008/06/19

Well, I am also a lady of 54 who I believe is also reasonable on the eye - I must comment.

I have been happily divorced for 22 yrs. I have a great career, wonderful adult children, loving family and a group of exciting diverse male and female friends. It would be nice - I think - to have a significant other in my life, but my future happiness and peace and joy etc DOES NOT DEPEND ON IT. I am happy as I am. I do not need to seek out someone else to complete some "missing element" If someone suitable comes my way - nice. If not - so what! I am fabulous as is!

Reply to Tango

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