Posted by: Marche | 2012/02/02

Question re: Gay Men

Dear CS

My brother is gay and close to 30 yrs old. I try very hard to understand him and be accomodating. However, he seems to be so different i.e. He says one thing and does another, he jumps in and out of relationships so fast that my head spins. He is very charming and has a big circle of friends, but I worry about the fact that he does not have stability i.e. he also job-hops and then moves from one place to the other. My kids keep meeting a new guy and I dont want him to bring any more partners since my kids are getting the wrong message as the relationships dont last. The kids get used to the boyfriend and then before we know it, its over between my brother and the boyfriend. I tried talking to him about it but he sees nothing wrong. My mom did not accept his sexual orientation and died bitterly angry toward him. So I understand he felt rejected etc. but surely, he has to find some stability and security in his life? I have suggested he stop dating for a while to find himself and decide what he wants, apart from the diseases out there, is relationship hopping normal for gay men? I worry about him terribly. Please advise if you think I am being unreasonable. I dont want to try and conform him or make him live up to my expectations, but he is not getting any younger and I fear for his future.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What you're describing isn't caused by or typical of, gay men, but peraps a personality dsorder or just unwise behaviour in somone who happens to be gay. Yes, the lifestyle you describe is unhelpful for his longterm happiness, and he might be helped by counselling by a gay-friendly ( undertanding ) counsellor, which some local gay orgamizations might be able to help him find.
And try to have calm chats with him, abou how he sees his future, what he'd like in the oong erm, and how he feels about the unfortunate way his mother treated him

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