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Question
Posted by: Pencil | 2006/11/03

Question

Hi everyone...

I have a question that has probably been asked a thousand times on this forum...

But - How do you know if it is really love? True LOVE.

I'm bothered, baffled and bewildered ;o)

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Our users say:
Posted by: spice | 2006/11/04

From experience...love is a very long term experience. Anything shorter than a couple of years is sure to be infatuation (the honeymoon phase). I think after the first wave of emotion and a couple gets on with living thru the daily challenges/ getting thru having your first child (challenging again)...these help you to grow together and love developes further.
If you are thinking of marriage :

1. I say, spend a two week holiday together/travelling. that is a sure way to see how you get along. Dont underestimate disagreements and little annoyances/moods etc (they will be 10x worse when you marry)

2. If you have any doubt about the person - dont do it!

It worked for us!

Reply to spice
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/11/03

Hi Pencil

I think if anyone had a definite way of assessing something like true love, they'd make millions! :-)

I'm always curious about why people want to know whether they are in love, or whether it's true love. Maybe you can answer that one for me?? :-)

If you really think about it, what difference does it make?

It sounds as though you've recently met someone and are experiencing all those mixed feelings, and all the excitement, and concern that goes along with it. These feelings are what they are - they're your experience, and only time will tell whether they lead to something deeper and more meaningful, and whether there is a capacity between the two of you, to sustain a relationship.

Don't worry about lables and whether it's love or not. Just go with the flow, making sure that you do keep your feet on the ground, and that you make decisions which you good for you! Then just enjoy!

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Lola | 2006/11/03

STEP 1: Clarify what love is for you. Write down all your thoughts and feelings about what a loving relationship would be like for you.

STEP 2: Distinguish between love and lust or infatuation. Lust is an intense sexual desire. Infatuation refers to the initial stage of a relationship, when you are "crazy" about her, but this feeling usually fades over time.

STEP 3: Ask other people how they define love or know if they love someone.

STEP 4: Write down how you do feel about her. For example: you enjoy her company, have similar interests, feel safe, trust her, think she is attractive, etc.

STEP 5: Think about how well the two of you relate to each other. For example: How well do you communicate with each other? How do you deal with conflict? Can you show different sides of yourself?

STEP 6: Ask yourself if you see and accept her as a whole person. Love isn't just loving the parts of her you like, but choosing to love her overall.

Reply to Lola

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