Our expert says:
OK, firstly, lets postpone the ball-curling and dying part. You sound like a fairly normal unhappy teenager, wo seems to have some issues about closeness / intimacy / wanting people to care / accepting their caring, and so on. This could be very fruitfully dealt with in counselling, which I'd recommend.
You seem to describe expecting people to reject you, and, when they don't, acting so as to push them away and bring about the rejection you're expecting.
It doesn't sound, from your message, as if you hav anyone with whom you can just sit down and chat about whatever's bothering you. and maybe ater a counsellor has filled this role, you will be able to find alernatives, to avoid building up the pressure of despair you describe.
And what about this 6-year-old ? How does he get on with you ? Might it be possible for you to talk over HIS problems with him ? Maybe helping him a little, would help you too ?
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