Our expert says:
Eish, a long one ! Hi Buzz --- you deserve a long one, if anyone does ! It's always hard to know, before working with a shrink, which one will work best with you and the boy. Both could have been helpful --- but fair enough, see the psychometrist first. Just remember that they're trained and skilled mainly in applying and interpreting psychological tests, and thus they can be valuable in identifying problems ; but most are not also trained and experienced at therapy, in solving the problems they identify.
The issue of confidentiality is, I agree, crucial, and something you should call her office and clarify before going ahead with the appointment. This is your child and she should be bound by confidentiality ( and the fac that you are presumably paying for the assessment ?) to report back to you alone. That she is friendly with and used to working with, the school, is fine, if she will guarantee that she will only discuss any aspect of this case with the relevant teachers / VP only with YOUR consent, and to the extent you agree.
Similarly, if your interesting scheme to use this situation to lure your older son into an assessment, too, is to work, you may need to fill her in on that element in the problem and that option, beforehand.
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