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Question
Posted by: J | 2004/02/13

psycho boyfriend

Can anyone tell me what is wrong, and/or help cure my boyfriend?

We've been together for 8 years. We've had a lot of ups & downs in our relationship. Anyway last week Sunday we had a get together with some friends to celebrate my birthday. Everything was fine until our last guests left +/- 10:30 Sunday night. My boyfriend was drunk as usual (cannot control his alcohol intake) so i decided to go to bed. Once i'm in bed, he starts his nonsense with me. Calling me names(ie hoar,slut), saying i'm flirting with my male friends etc and then litrally forces me out of bed. (He's done this before) Immiediatly i got so angry i could'nt help myself from hitting him through his face (never hit anyone till i met him) He got up and charged at me. I just stood there waiting for the "punch". I was scared, but i seemed not to show my fear. i think being though these situations before has made me stronger and ready to defend myself. Anyway he hasn't been like this for about a year, so i don't know what brought it on. He never hit me, but the emotions i go through are unbelievable. Once he sort of calmed down, he apologised to me and said he does'nt know what came over him but all he remembers is seeing his dad's face while looking at me? What the hell does this behaviour mean? i've been through this crap for so long, just as i think things are looking up, something triggers his "evil psycho twin" off.
Is it alcohol? Is it a Psychological problem? Is it schixophrenia?

We have a 3 year old son together and i really don't want him to be brought up with this nonsence. I had a good child life whereas my boyfriend had a "crap" one. How do i get acress to him it's not fair on me or our son for this treatment. Enough is Enough. I know it's taken a long time to look for help, but rather now than never. Please help?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

J, obviously no-one can make a diagnosis of your bf's problems by remote control. he would need to see a proper shrink for a person-to-person assessment and advice, which would need him to have recognized first, that he might have a problem worth solving.
Whatever his childhood, it doesn't sufficiently explain or excuse abusing anyone else. He really needs to see a shrink for assessment and treament. From the sound of it, this could well be alcohol related, as alcohol is disinhibiting ( removes our inhibitions ) and can promote violence, verbal or otherwise, and some of us are much more sensitive to such effects from alcohol.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tammi | 2004/02/13

I would get out of this relationship. My ex did similar things to me. Afterwards he would always promise never to do it again.... until the next time around. Even after counciling he did not change. Sadly he will never change....

I hope for your sake that counciling will help. All the best to you.

Reply to Tammi
Posted by: The other J | 2004/02/13

Give him an ultimatum : he either gets help (this could be in the form of counselling - together, so he doesnt feel alone in this - to begin with and then maybe have him see a shrink) or you are not willing to continue in the relationship.

Reply to The other J
Posted by: Pearl | 2004/02/13

Dear J

The best thing here is to seek professional help. Obviously yout boyfriend has emotional issues which is difficult for him to deal with, help him by getting him to see a professional.

Reply to Pearl

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