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Question
Posted by: Ekke | 2004/12/13

Prostitute & my kerel

Ek en my kerel het gisteraand na Carte Blanche gekyk (oor die "knockers") toe noem ek dat ek nie kan glo mans gebruik in elk geval prostitute nie. Toe sê hy "hul dien hul doel" ek vra hom toe of hy al ooit hul "dienste" gebruik het en hy sê ja. Ek los dit toe daar later die aand vra ek hom so kalm soos moontlik hoeveel keer en hoe lank terug? Hy antwoord toe heel kalm asof dit "normaal" is so jaar en 'n half gelede en so 2 or 3 keer vir R200 per keer.

Goed hy is al 2 jaar geskei. Ons is nou maar 2 maande bymekaar. Bly nie saam nie, spandeer net naweke saam.

Ek kan dit nie handteer nie, ek weet nie HOE om dit te handteer nie. Ek gaan nou beslis aandring op HIV toetse. O ja hy het gesê dat hy altyd kondome gebruik het. Ek voel so geskok hieroor. Toe ek hom gevra het met wie het hy geslaap vanaf sy egskeiding het hy gesê so 'n paar "one night stands" dis al. Die is 'n baie goeie, ordentlike man.

Maar nou voel ek - wie sê hy gebruik dit nie nog nie ? Wie sê dis nie 'n gereelde ding nie ? Hoekom het hy hulle gebruik ?

Help my asseblief want ek weet nie hoe om dit te handteer nie. Ek voel of die vertroue wat ek in hom gehad het geskaad is. Ek is baie erg oor die man en hy's 'n wonderlike pa en man.

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Our expert says:
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I understand that you find this revelation hurtful. But to what extent do we have a right to be concerned about what someone did ( as regards relationships ) before we met them ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2004/12/13

En jy kan jouself troos in die feit dat hy ten minste eerlik was daaroor. Persoonlik dink ek dis 'n goeie ding in 'n verhouding. Geheime maak altyd dinge moeiliker. En mans is maar mans. Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters is nie altyd genoeg nie. Veral as 'n ou nie 'n meisie het vir 'n hele ruk nie. Dan is daar ook die feit dat die man WEET daar is 'no-strings'. Met one-night stands kan daar probleme inkom.

Ja - dring aan op toetse (en gaan ook self). En nie net HIV toetse nie, maar die hele STD reeks. Dit sal julle albei gemoedsrus gee.

Baie groete
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: blackbird | 2004/12/13

meisie, dit was en dit is nou. en ek dink shaun het dit mooi opgesom. ek ken ook ouens wat die :pay as you go" opsies gebruik en hulle doen dit hoofsaaklik vir die "no strings attach, in and out" excuse the pun, opsies. die ouens se lewens was meskine op daardie stium van so 'n aart dat hulle nie regtig die opsies gehad het om meer meeningvolle afairs aan te knoop met dames nie en dit was maar die enigste uitweg op daardie stadium. mans is mans en ja mans is in staat om lust en liefde te sky. en ja heel moontlik was dit op daardie staium vir hom die enigste opsie. hey kyk so daarna, hy is 'n full blown man, en as die urge kom dan moet 'n man doen wat 'n man doen.

vergeet daarvan, doen julle toetse, gaan aan en skyf dit af, hy klink nie na 'n "hibutuel" prossie gebruiker nie, indien hy was sou julle romanse nie so ver gekom het nie en daar sal wel tekens gewees het dat hy hulle nog gebruik.

en soos shaun se oor die pay as you go girls, supply and demand. besides die storie op carte blanc, well daardie was regtig straat meisies, en alle prossies lyk nie so nie .......


relax and let it be .....

Reply to blackbird
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/12/13

Hey Ekke,

Don't give it more time than it really needs. Think about this for a while... it happened in his past, a time rather close to his divorce & hurting as well. Maybe he did somethings while he was confused & upset with life in general. Hey, that happens to more of us everyday, & I'm sure you know this as well. So, it happened in his past, maybe try leave it there where it belongs. Just take the precautions you talked about earlier (testing & condoms & such). Put this down as something you had no control over & was & is not your problem. Just suggest what you will not be able to stand for in future.

Ek sou se probeer om dit te aanvaar. As jy wil vir hom laat weet dat dit pla vir jou, dan se so vir hom. Laat hom weet hoe jy voel, dan gaan voort van daar af, met mekaar. Los dit wel waar dit moet wees, in die gelede!!! En se ook vir hom dat jy wil dit net uitpraat, en dan uitlos. Jy het alreeds gese dat julle steek niks af die ander nie, ek hoop dit bly so. Kommunikasie... altyd maak dit sodat dit altyd oop kan wees.

Lekker bly jy,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Jemma | 2004/12/13

"Ons het geen geheime vir mekaar nie (albei is verneuk in ons huwelike). Ek sal sy selfoon vat as 'n boodskap inkom en hy myne ens. alles gaan wonderlik. Dis die huislikste as ek dit so kan stel verhouding wat ek NOG gehad het. Ek weet altyd waar hy is, so ook hy weet waar ek is."

Jy het jouself geantwoord!!! Jy vertrou hom, weet altyd waar hy is, nou hoekom worrie jy? Hierdie dinge het gebeur voordat hy jou ontmoet het. Moet hom nie wantrou oor goed wat gebeur het toe hy single was nie.

Ek stem nie saam met mans wat dink dis reg om sex te hê met prostitute nie maar elke mens het maar sy dinge. Ek dink wel dat jy vir hom moet sê dat dit jou ontstel om te dink dat hy dit wel al in sy lewe gedoen het en om hom te vra om dit asb. nie te doen terwyl julle saam is nie.

Jy het geen rede om hom nie te vertrou nie.
Sterkte

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: Paul | 2004/12/13

Druk jou probleem in jou sak en vergeet daarvan, tob daaroor gaan jou mal maak en dit op sig self het nagevolge.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Ekke | 2004/12/13

Shaun dankie.

Die probleem is :

Los ek dit nou net daar en probeer dit aanvaar.
Hoe benader ek hom want ek't daaroor gepraat gisteraand asof dit okay is en ek dink nie hy weet eens ek't 'n probleem daarmee nie.....

Reply to Ekke
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/12/13

Hi Ekke,

If you don't mind my english response, think it'd be easier for me to express.

I think your guy is being quite honest with you. That's a good thing. Maybe you're taking the "trust" thing a bit too serious as you guys didn't even know each other at that time, or so I assume. I watched that episode as well last night. Was quite shocked at how easy things seemed there. But at the same time I can understand how easy it could be for guys to use these avenues. Hey, there is also girls that use these offerings as well you know, you just don't hear about it as much.

Prostitution has been around for ages. Personally I don't think we will ever be rid of them. I think you are fully within your rights to insist on the tests, after all You're only taking care of yourself. & Yes, maybe if you're finding this hard to accept, maybe you do need to work through it a bit. Guys use them more than they would care to admit. Think about this for a while... Do you think that if the guys weren't using them their would be so many of them around, & so freely available as well???

I dunno, maybe it's kinda like an easy thing. Like you're hurting so much & the one person you want to be intimate with will not even give you the time of day. It becomes easier to kinda "purchase" these offers for a while, & not worry about no strings being attached after that. Then I guess it hasn't got much to do with love has it. Probably more lust than anything else, otherwise you wouldn't even consider this option. Guess I wouldn't have to go into explaining how easy it is for guys to lust after a good looking babe who they wouldn't have to pamper later... Although those girls from last night weren't anywhere near being babes (my opinion). Unfortunately those guys on Carte Blanche made a real bad judgement I think, & a few paid dearly for these errors they made.

Bottom-line I think is that he did not break your trust in anyway at that time, so maybe you may not be justified in holding it against him. Yes definitely take all the precautions you need to right now, & personally I think feel good about the fact that he was being honest with, taking you into account. I think if he didn't worry about your opinion he wouldn't have told you. & Also, hopefully, he wasn't in anyway saying it as in kinda bragging about his conquests... paid for or not.

Don't despair, all is not as serious as you first may think. Yes it must have been quite a blow to you to learn this, especially as you say what you think about guys that use them. Thing is, you also said that this is the guy for you, so it would probably be in your best interest to satisfy your concerns about this situation, then work on it & move on from there. Just let him know that from now on you will not stand for this behaviour, & if he has maybe not been staright with you in anyway that he tells you about it soon. Don't think you would want to get really really really hooked on the guy, then later find out you have to let go, against all your emotions. Like most things in life, if we lay a good foundation from the beginning, or set things up now so we have guidelines on what we will & will not stand, you're in your own way building a strong bond. Besides, as you always know, I always say that communcation is generally the best way of sorting most things out...

Just my old 1 cent take on this...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Ekke | 2004/12/13

Moody dankie.

Ons het geen geheime vir mekaar nie (albei is verneuk in ons huwelike). Ek sal sy selfoon vat as 'n boodskap inkom en hy myne ens. alles gaan wonderlik. Dis die huislikste as ek dit so kan stel verhouding wat ek NOG gehad het. Ek weet altyd waar hy is, so ook hy weet waar ek is.

Daar is REGTIG geen probleme nie die wat opduik sorteer ons mooi volwasse uit.

Tot hy my ontmoet het, het hy geen vrou na sy huis gevat, aan sy kinders voorgestel ens. nie - hierdie is regtig DIE man vir my.

Maar dit pla my so vreeslik baie - ek't nog altyd gedink dat mans wat sulke vrouens gebruik vieslik is ?

Ja jy's reg ons het almal sceletons. Maar hoe weet ek dis verby en dat dit regtig 'n jaar en 'n half laas was. Moet ek hom uitvra of dit net los en aan myself werk om dit te verwerk ?

Reply to Ekke
Posted by: moody | 2004/12/13

Ek dink almal het maar hulle dinge, party ouens koop porn boeke en flieks[wat ek nie kan handle, want hoe weet jy hy dink nie aan die flieks as ons saam is nie], maar hy's nou saam met jou so solank as wat hy jou goed behandel en jy voel hy is die een vergeet sy verlede want almal het sceletons! Al wat saak maak is hoe hy nou teenoor jou is en hoe jy voel oor die verhouding.

Reply to moody

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