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Question
Posted by: Yello | 2007/06/04

Professional Problem

Hi Cybershrink

I am stuck with a rather difficult situation at work. I have been with the company for 13 years, 6 years with the current branch. I have a fairly senior position although I work mainly with directors. Last week I was called into a budget meeting and we were discussing the usual boring financial stuff, when one of the other marketing managers was also invited to the meeting. I have had run in's with him in the past, he is uneccessarily sarcastic and rude, and has a way of getting my back up whenever I deal with him. I have previously asked my direct manager to change the request process so that he works through their secretary and not directly with me as he has no manners. He came into the meeting announcing that we were wasting his time, he would give us 15min at most and that was already too much. At the first opportunity he made a remark that if he did my job it would be done correctly. I obviosly took offense, but in the meeting itself I just said he was welcome to come and try. After the meeting I managed to wind myself up about it to the point that I started crying out of pure anger. As luck would have it my husband picked me up as I had to take him to fetch his car which was in for a service, and perhaps I was crying to get sympathy who knows. I was upset as well because there were other managers in the meeting with whom I work closely and I dont like being told I cant do my job, especially since I did not bugger anything up with him directly so he had no real reason to say what he did. Later on that day my husband told me that he had phoned this manager and asked him what his problem with me was!!!???? Bloody hell. Firstly, very uncool to have my husband fighting for me. (Although it is very nice that he is protective over me.) He was not rude, just merely wanted to know what the guys problem was. This manager then ran to my boss and told him my husband had phoned him. I of course told my hubbie that I would skin him alive if he ever phoned anybody at my work ever again, and that I was big enough and ugly enough to fight my own battles (all I needed from him was a shoulder to cry on, and someone to sympathise with me). My problem is how to I deal with this guy at work now? Do I approach him and what?? Apologise for him being an idiot that caused the whole thing in the first place! OK no, do I apologise for my husband phoning him? Do I go and say that I am sorry the whole situation happened and that I hope we can work better together in the future? I am worrying about this so any advise would be most appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you chatted with other managers about this ? From the sound of it, more of them probably find this guy offensive, too. Surely now you need to discuss this with your own direct boss, too, making it clear that this guy is regularly offensive to you, and was indeed in this meeting offensive and rude to the other managers too --- the boss ought to tell this guy that he is far less magnificent than he seems to assume, and has to mind his manners towards EVERYONE, including you and others. I don't see that you have anything to apologise for, as you did nothing wrong. I don't see why this one dweeb should be allowed to continue imagining himself as perfect and sneeringat other people

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bee | 2007/06/04

I think your idea to speak to him and apologise for the whole situation is a good one. Just say you are sorry this happened, you were having a bad day and your husband picked up on that. Don't tell him you were crying, don't tell him he is an idiot (even though he obviously is). Then walk away, don't say too much. That's what I would do. Be polite and professional.

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