Posted by: Angry | 2008/08/12

problems with sister

I am 30 years old and have been independant since the day my mom died 10 years ago. I have made many mistakes in my life including getting married to a man that I didnt really love, who I have now divorced. I have had the same job for 10 years in a big company and perserved and became one of the youngest supervisors in the company 7 years ago. All in all I have built a good life for myself. I have always wanted a baby and could not conceive during my marriage. After getting divorced I met a guy and fell pregnant with him and now have a beautiful 2 year old baby who is my life. When I found out I was pregnant I called my older sister who said that I should have an abortion. I was disgusted by her. She has never really been attached to my daughter since then but I didnt let it bother me. Now the thing is I am coloured and the father of my child is zulu, we are also different religions, I am muslim and he is christian. My daughter lives with me as her father and I are no longer together and is taught the muslim way but she is also learning zulu from her family and when she is big I would like her to know about the zulu culture. Race has never and will never be an issue in my life. Recently my older sister and I had an argument at an aunts funeral because i realised that she was using me as her personal banker (she doesnt work). My family couldnt afford to attend the funeral so I paid, in total I spent R8000 on transport which I know I wont get back. At the funeral my sister questions me infront of another family member asking me if I contributed anything to the food. I told her I had and that it was none of her business because I wanted to do it. She made it seem like she expected me be paying. Later when we all had to return home to our respective cities, she lives in PE and I am in DBN, my other sister tells me that she is sending her kids home and that she will be staying on holiday and that I have to pay for her bus ticked back home. I just snapped and told her that she does nothing but expects me to finance a holiday from a holiday and then she doesnt have the decency to ask me herself. This caused a problem and she didnt even call me on my birthday. Today I found out that she was telling the people at the funeral that my daughter is her half neice because she is zulu etc. And she made it out to be that my daughter is inferior to her because she is multiracial. I cant understand her, we are coloured do you get any more mixed than that. I am so angry I feel like picking up the phone and swearing at her but I dont know if she is worth it. My daughter is innocent why pick on her. I have worked to give my daughter everything I cannot help if she is not motivated enough to go find a job. How do I handle this? Could it be jealousy.

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Our expert says:
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If that's how they treat you, let them go, and move on yourself --- you've obviously managed your own life admirably, and don't need to take seriously the greed and or disapproval of people who have not managed as well as you have, and who may very well be jealous of you. You're right not to phone and swear at her --- she is not worth it, and you are worth more than that.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Britty | 2008/08/13

CS is just so right. Getting angry at family really doesn' t work. Let her do what she likes because the negativie remarks she puts out in regard to you and your daughter will come back and bite her hard on the bum! Yes, its hard to let go of a sibling or any relative for that matter but if her bad behaviour has a bad effect on your and your daughter get rid of her. If the opportunity arises to speak to her, do so but making it clear she is not welcome in your life unless she can behave. If you can get your point across do so calmly and quietly even if her voice rises. Don' t play her games but lmake sure that if she wants contact with you then she has to play yours. Take care of yourself and your daughter.

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