Posted by: GATVOL | 2008/07/04


I have been in a relationship with a divorced man for approx 3 years. Problem is his ex wife. She comes and goes as she pleases. If he is not there she will sit and visit in his house as if it belings to her. She has never discussed it with or even asked if it is ok. I confronted her once about the fact that she carries as if he is still her husband and all i got from that was to hear her crying and how much she still loves him and she will never stop loving him. She is in another relationship. My boyfriend will rant and rave about all of this when she is not around but still refuses to confront her and put his foot down. To me this is not normal since the only relationship they should be having is where it concerns the children. Until i complained about it she even send him sms 'with love'. They have been divorced for almost 4 years and she has been in this other relationshipo for about 3 years. I am silly to be unhappy and uncomfortable with thisand what should I do??

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Our expert says:
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It is never wise to form a relationship with a divorced or separated ( or dumped ! ) person unless and until you can be sure they are over their ex and that the ex plays no negative continuing role in their life. A door should be open or shut. Why hasn't he changed the locks on his doors to stop her entering whenever she wishes ? Why isn't she seeing a counsellor to learn how to move on with her life rather than staying in reverse gear ? See a relationship counsellor together so he can learn to put his foot down and end this --- its surely not actually doing either of them any good, apart from you. And by all means give him an ultimatum here --- either he does something significant to end this nonsense, or he carries on this way on his own, while you find a man who is genuinely free to enter a relationship

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2008/07/04

Yep, also been there, done that. Thing is in my case he had 2 kids. I could hold out for two years. Luckily my eyes opened and I called off the engagement and ran for the hills. Today I am married, to a man that has NO baggage. No kids, no ex-wife, nothing. I couldn't be happier!!!!!

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Posted by: So Wrong | 2008/07/04

After 3 years it still seems as if this man is keeping a bcak door open. You can't have you bread buttered on both sides unfortunately. You need to put your foot down, infact you should have two years back! Life is too short to waste on a journey going no where, don't waste to much time.

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Posted by: HEAR HEAR ! | 2008/07/04


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Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/07/04

Why is it that the problem is always the "ex wife" ????

Dont worry I went through this myself....not accusing you of anything.


YOU need to sit him down and explain to HIM that you are not prepared to accept this and that HE needs to make a plan whether its talk to her or whatever BUT you give him an ultimatum.

I know cs aint fond of no ultimatum :-)) but you need to do this to get this agrivation out of your life.

Good luck.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Janece | 2008/07/04

You are not silly to be unhappy about the situation. I went through the same thing. My husband was so scared to put his ex-wife in her place and she also came and went as she wished. She even used to visit him at work during the day. They are divorced so what does she want with him. Eventually they broke apart because I phoned her and we had a fight but it caused alot of unhappiness.

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