Posted by: Green Eyed Monster | 2008/08/19

Problem with jealousy

I know people are going to crucify me for this. My bf and I have been together for 3 years, and he has cheated on me before we broke up and somehow got back together again. For now things are okay and he has really been good. THe problem is that his cheating has caused me to be very jealous and I have trust issues. He doesnt know that I have his e-mail password and every now and then I go into his e-mail and see e-mails from women and its things about love, them telling him to have a good day. He also sends them e-mails telling them to have a wonderful day etc but he doesnt send me e-mails. A lot of these woman are not in the same city as we are but I still feel threatened by them. He says alot of the women he talks too are his friends but how do I believe that. I dont like the fact that he is contact with his exes, and he cheated on me with them. Should I cut my losses and move on or am I the one thats wrong and invading his privacy.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If the pair of you are in an actual, real-world relationship, you shouldn't NEED to exchange e-mails to say "Have a good day" ! It sounds like his comments to the other women ( if he has some business-related reason to be communicating with them at all ) may be mainly polite. Maybe you should see a personal counsellor to work on issues of suspicion and jealousy and getting all this into proportion, and if there then seems to still be something significant wrong with this relationship, consider ending it and moving on to better things.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Sg | 2008/08/19

I' m afraid this guy is cheating behind your back and you don' t deserve it.Seriously consider dumping him

Reply to Sg
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/08/19


when you guys decided to give try again it sgould be new relationship and forget to snoop if you don' t want to get hurt, if you want to know the truth ask him openly about those e-mail and dont be angry because you wont know the truth.

These 3 steps can help strengthen trust and intimacy& #65533 .

1. Allow yourself to let go of the past.

It is not uncommon for the hurt of painful past relationships to leave us resistant to loving or trusting others. Become aware of your present situation and allow yourself to let go of those old hurts. This might mean that you see the ways that the past comes up for you in the present. Breathe and remind yourself to allow the past to go and shift your attention to what& #65533 s currently going on.

2. Let your true colors show.

No matter what habits, tendencies, or desires we think we need to hide from our partner, find the courage to let every part of yourself show. Intimacy is undercut when we don& #65533 t trust our partner to love us as we are. Deep down we may not feel lovable as our true selves. Chances are your love will be more accepting than you think. So set an intention to appreciate yourself completely and then allow every part of you to be seen by your partner.

3. Practice Listening from the Heart and Find Understanding.

Just as we saw in the example of the wall climber and belayer, listening to one another is vital to strong intimacy and trust in a love relationship. When a situation comes up that challenges your trust, stop your thoughts and ask your love questions to clarify what seems to be happening. It is highly likely that what you think you are seeing is just not accurate. Open your heart, listen, and really try to understand what is going on for your partner.

These 3 steps can help you strengthen trust in your intimate relationship. It starts with letting go, loving yourself, and listening with an open heart

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: SR | 2008/08/19

Its difficult to ever regain trust after being cheated on and your green eyed monster unfortunately will always get the better of you at the slightest hint of him cheating on you further, even if it is innocent

Having someones password is a powerful thing and sooner or later you are going to find something there that you are not going to like. My suggestion is that you are already seeing things which are unnecceptable and it is the sign of things to come. i.e. as soon as someone replies to him with the same compliments and it escalates you know where it will be going.

I think we both know where his heart lies and its not with you, its caught up in his self absorbtion, and he is far too distracted to be feeling anything significant for you

why dont you start emailing him and test him anonymously and agree to meet him. When he shows up at the meeting then dump him

good luck

Reply to SR

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.