Our expert says:
If I am understanding your question correctly, it sounds like you ejaculate more quickly than you would like to, and faster than your new wife can become aroused? My first response is not to feel ashamed, and to face up to your wife with the fact that this is a problem that you would like to work on. No need to feel ashamed, men have to learn to delay their ejaculation, it doesn't come naturally necessarily! It also sounds like you need to learn how to excite and turn your wife on as she may need more caressing and stroking before you begin to have penetrative sex. You will need to be guided by her on this.
On average, it takes men two to ejaculate, but due to the differences between men and women (women take longer to become aroused/hot, and may take up to 15 minutes to achieve orgasm). As a result many men choose to learn to delay their orgasm in order to try to give more penetrative pleasure to female partners.
The best way to learn to delay your ejaculation would be through masturbation where you learn recognise your physical signs of excitement (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in your testicles, heart rate) and at which point you need to ease off/slow down before it's too late (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late!).
One way to help with this would be to try scoring your excitement on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. When you get to about 5 or 6/10 you need to start using delaying strategies. For example: slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing your pelvic floor muscles as if you are trying to stop the flow of urine. Once your arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 3 or 4/10), you can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.
Your wife could be a great help by coaching you through this, asking where you are on the scale, and encouraging you to use the strategies suggested. You stimulate yourself for the first few practice rounds (i.e. over days or weeks) and then once you have had some success, perhaps your wife could stimulate you, but she must slow down as and when you says to do so. Once you've gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so you should maybe slow your arousal down earlier than 5 or 6/10 to begin with. The best position to learn this would be with your wife on top so that you can focus all of your attention on your sensations, but you must remember to direct your partner to slow, stop, or start again as you need.
It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise you will feel more pressure to perform and your partner may feel frustrated - neither of these will help you with this learning process.
Good luck and enjoy!
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