Our expert says:
I've had direct personal experience, as well obviously as professional experience, of the enormous strains of caring for a loved one with Alzheimers or other dementia.
Sounds like your parents may be at least in a better situation, if its a good retirement village, with proper frail care facilities and other assistance, than many couples living on their own.
But this is all a lot of separate but troubling challenges for you to face and deal with at the same time - your mom's problem, AND your dad's, AND your troubled child. And it does happen that people like your other child do, even if consciously they would deny it, feel neglected and overlooked while you're trying to juggle all the other responsibilities. With someone of her age, old enough to be useful, it can be worth discussing calmly with her the challenges you and the family face, and how much you wish you could rely on her, because you appreciate her good heart and potential for being really helpful. See if she can perhaps be recruited into playing a small but useful role in HELPING with the problems, becomin g part of the solution, rather than sulking at the edge of things, and becoming part of the problem.
There's nothing insignificant in any way in the problems you are facing, nor anything wrong with finding these challenges, well, challenging.
See if you can recruit your older child into helping and at least in understanding, and make a nice fuss about even little things she does to help, even when she merely shows patience.
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