Posted by: No where to turn | 2009/03/19


The situation:

I fell pregnant and the father left me. Months later I got back together with my ex fiance (not the baby' s father). We grew so close over the months. I' m now almost 9 months pregnant and experience all the niggles assosiated with pregnancy. Baby has settled in and I' m very sore and uncomfortable.

The problem:

I felt very disgusted in myself for falling pregnant out of wedlock and accepted that I would be a single mom through this foolish action (though I have fallen completely in love with my baby). The ex fiance crossed my path and we are now involved. The thing is I have tried so hard not to get sexually involved with him and failed. In the beginning I refused and think it selfish of him to even expect that of me. I explained to him many times that it' s not right and for him to force me into that type of situation where I feel I have to sexually pleasure a man after another left me pregnant and confused after I also felt forced to be sexually active with him to be assured that the relationship would still continue, is just insane. I feel angry that I' m left feeling that I don' t have a right to say ' no'  and stick to it for fear of being rejected and also feeling the pressure of this new era where sex is so very important to a man and a must in a relationship. Why can' t I just refuse and explain once and have him understand that to be sexually active with anyone at this stage feels like emotional torture to me?? Why do men need it so badly? This morning on our way to work he just blurted out ' why can' t you initiate sex, ever?' . I immediately felt so pressured and exhausted. I do everything for him and push myself to the limit physically to make up for ' not being in the mood' , but it' s not enough and he has now become accustomed to the standard of living and takes it for granted. I' m very stressed out at the moment. Getting the last work done before maternity leave, sleep is interrupted by pains and discomfort, getting up at the crack of dawn to have everything done before leaving for work (ironing his clothes, bathing and dressing myself, fixing his breakfast etc) and eventually leaving the house looking and feeling like crap. He has no empathy for me whatsoever and I know that eventually I will break up with him, again BUT I just feel so overwhelmed, is it so difficult to understand that your pregnant girlfriend is going through the toughest time physically and emotionally and that you should give her a break??

I can' t raise my child in an environment of this nature and my parents have begged my to move back to their house, but still I find myself BEGGING him to open his eyes and see/realize that he' s losing me again, for some reason I do love him (we do have positives). I told him that I will give him chance until the baby is born and then decide whether the circumstances will be acceptable to raise a child in.

He always makes me out to be the hormonal pregnant b*tch, but I don' t feel that he' s treating me very fairly. He is emotionally manipulating me, when I refused to move in with him he kept on harrassing me until I eventually gave in. I got an e-mail from him now with kisses all over it, he usually does this to ' make up' . I feel it' s very immature, condescending and an insult to my intelligence.

I can' t talk to anyone, I feel ashamed that I' m sleeping with yet another guy when I' m pregnant with someone else' s child. It feels like rape. That' s so immoral, I just needed to get this off my chest. Why can' t I do what' s right??? I pray to God to have mercy on me and hear my cries, I' m so desperate for peace.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No relatonship is wholesome where you feel forced to have sex and feel you can't say no. Men may WANT it but they do not NEED it so badly. Why not go safely back to your parents. Go to the maintenance court and ensure that the biological father of the child pays maintenance. The you can look after the genuine baby, not the older "baby" who doesnt deserve it

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nowhere to turn | 2009/03/19

I thought that he was sure that he did not mind that I was pregnant (he said so over and over again, even after I refused to believe him and assured him that it' s okay to feel weird about it), he even said that we should raise her as our own (he had all these dreams for us as a family) and that she would know him as ' dad' . I took that privilege away from him, it' s going to do her more harm than good to have him as her ' dad' . I' ve truly had enough.

Reply to Nowhere to turn
Posted by: D | 2009/03/19

Um its shocking that he treats you like a maid and you are 9 months pregnant, maybe its because its not his child. and once your blessing is born are you still going to be expected to be his " mother" . You have a baba to look after whose the most important.

I think you should run a mile, why exactly are you staying in a relationship with this man, what are the good points?

I would move back in with your folks and enjoy your baby alone with out any of the stress and anguish that goes with having this other selfish man in your life

Reply to D

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