Posted by: BT - Lost | 2007/12/04

Pregnant - what now

Hi CS,
If ever I thought there was something wrong with me, I now know there is. I did a test this morning and discovered I am pregnant and I don't want to be, not with the man whose baby it would be and I am at a loss of what to do. I am too old for another child and too messed up to be able to cope. The man is unreliable and not a provider. I cannot be pregnant, not now. I am just starting to sort things out, starting to pick up the pieces, starting to fix things, now this. Am I so dense, why did I allow him to have sex with me, I didn't want it, but I allowed it, so damned stupid. At long last I managed to get him to go away, to leave me alone, now only to discover this, "sh....".
I have no-one to talk to about this and people can criticize all they want, they cannot do it as good as I can, I run myself down all the time, I don't need anyone else to do it.
I don't believe in abortion but I can't go through with this........any suggestions?
I feel completely lost and so alone and I wish I could just die. You know when you don't want something and someone pushes and doesn't take no for an answer, that is when I give in, I would rather give in than be hurt and anycase more often than not end up being hurt, damnit this is too much....."He got what he wanted, he wanted a hold on me and now he has it"

Please don't judge me, I wish I could be different, I wish I had the guts to say NO........

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Our expert says:
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See a good local counsellor URGENTLY< to realistically examine your options and plan the best response for you and your health. As you realize, if you are too old or otherwise unable to handle hving another child, you should not have sex without secure contraception ; and if the man would make a lousy father, then one shouldnt have sex with him at all. If you gave in to his pushing for what he wanted --- then you just don't allow someone like that to ever get close enough to push you at all.
Yes, you need someone non-judgemental and clear-headed with whom you can discuss all this --- that'd be a counsellor. Marie Stopes (I met her son, oddly ) or Famsa / Lifeline is a good place to start., and yes, do explore birthright and provate adoptions

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2007/12/04

www birthright dot co dot za
www private adoptions dot co dot za

It wouldn't allow me to post contact names or telephone no's
You will find all the info on the websites

These are just two organisations who can help you

Reply to anon
Posted by: jcat | 2007/12/04

oh really didn't need this as well as everything. Anon is right, adoption is a very good option. If you go for a privately arranged adoption (rather than going through the state system), the prospective parents will normally help with the costs of the baby, and often for counselling as part of this. Speak to Lifeline, and there is also a place called Birthright (see the website for info).
Don't beat yourself up over it - that's what he would like too, that he takes away even more of your self-esteem. You are doing so well lately, and you shouldn't allow a mistake to drag you back down.

Reply to jcat
Posted by: anon | 2007/12/04

BT - Lost, there are many places you could go for counselling, or contact, for one, Marie Stopes Clinic. Famsa/Lifeline will also have referrals and contacts for you.
There is adoption, if you don't want the baby, there are many other couples who desperately want a baby. You will not be judged or criticised but will be counselled so that when you do make your decision, you will feel confident you made the correct choice.

In the future, please take precautions, birth control and make sure you insist on condom use.

About saying no, counselling will also help you regain your power back and work on your assertiveness.

Take care, wishing you all the best.

Reply to anon

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