Posted by: Jessica | 2009/07/27

Pregnant and all alone

A few days after I got divorced last year, I started seeing a man who I am really in love with. We had known eachother through work and we started dating after my divorce was finalised. We had a turbulent 2 month relationship and eventually i ended it because I had some jelousy issues etc..I then discovered I was pregnant and wanted him back but he did not want to work it out. It is 9 months into my pregnancy and I have tried everything to get my man back. He wants nothing to do with me but says he will suport his child and is prepared to pay support but is not prepared to be present at the birth. I have tried everything from begging to making him feel guilty. NOTHING IS WORKING. I fear he has since moved on and is seeing someone else. This makes me feel physically sick and I feel enraged when I think of him with another woman. I want him back, do you think the baby will change his mind?

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Our expert says:
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Its rarely wise to plunge into any other close relationship right after a divorce. I notice you refer to this guy as "my man" I'd guess hat this is not how he sees it ! He presumably saw the rlatonship very differently to how you did, and had no intention of either parenting with you or of a long-term relaionship. It is responsible of him to want to support the child, but if he oes't want more than that, no amount of begging or guilting will get it. I don't think the arrival of the baby will change his mind. I wondered why with contraceptives available, you fell pregnant, but you speak almost as though the pregnancy had been deliberate to glue the relationship back together, and as though you are angry that it is not doing this.
You cannot, by any means, force someone to love you or to want an enduring relationship with you. It does not work. Better to see a counsellor to hekp you move ahead with your own life and the care of your coming baby, rather than always looking back over your should at what you hoped might ocur.

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