Our expert says:

Sexologist

Hi father to be.

The time before and up to a year after pregnancy can bring changes in your normal and familiar pattern of sexual relations. You were wise to speak about it, and to prepare yourself for these possible changes.

Reduced sexual frequency is quite normal in the first trimester of pregnancy. Hormonal changes, fatigue, changes in body shape, nausea, adapting to the idea of being parents, the thought of the responsibility that comes with having a family are just some of the reasons for this. Ask your wife in an open and non-judgemental way why she thinks her desire for sex is diminished - perhaps there is some problem not yet identified that can be dealt with.

The good news is that in the second trimester sexual activity will usually increase again, often up to normal levels (but not definitely). Thereafter, in the third trimester, as the baby grows in the uterus, sexual activity becomes less frequent again. There is fear that intercourse will bring on premature contractions, introduce infection, damage the baby, or just because its damn uncomfortable and painful for the woman – remember she may be dealing with backache, heartburn and fatigue, not the best preparation for sex.

You are absolutely right to be thinking of intimacy, and non-penetrative sexual touch as the way to maintain contact and keep your sexual flame alight.

Nevertheless, even with the best intention, your wife may not be in a libidinous mood. It will be a time to adapt and reset your expectations, and above all to keep on talking, expressing your love and nurturing intimacy with your wife.

Good luck.
Anthony – SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.