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Question
Posted by: My future hubby | 2010/07/16

Preggy

i am hoping you can help me.i dated my best friend for 4 years..he left for cape while i was her in jhb.hardly saw him.when he come it would be for a weekend and also had to see his family..i decided we break up after i met someon.i knew he had someone that side though he denied.so i just loved the attention from the nw guy and that he i closer.i didn have friends.i was staaying alone and it was really depressing.we broke up.continued talking.still loved him so did he..aftter 2 yrs he is back.im pregnant.me and the father of my baby broke up after we found out i am pregnant.the realtionship was really bad.emotional abuse,went from one counselllor to another.till i felt i am drained i need to get out.you also advised me to,i did..but tough as i only did it after i found out i am pregnant.and happy i did.it has been 7months now.ill be carrying my bundle of joy soon.
my ex want us back.i want him2.his family knew me before all this.now he told them he still loves me though i am carrying someoneelses child..even called a meeting with my family..his mom and dad are ok.but now hes started worrying about relatives,collegues and evryone else..
i dont care what people say as long as i am with him and we love each other.he loves my unborn baby too.hes alrdy started buying clothes for her(baby daay never bought even a single thing to show he is happy baba is on the way.i asked him this one time to buy this cute socks i saw,they were R25.he refused.but later he was out drinking,spending money when i only asked for a mere R25).my ex takes me to docs appointments.takes me out.holding my hand or rubbing my bump even in public.and said he want to be there when i deliver..hes a great person.he makes me happy.we want to start a family.now he fears i might hurt him and go back to baby daddy.how do i help him overcome the fear.baby daddy and i dont talk at all.we called the life line and we have an appointment next weekend with a relationship counsellor.do you think it would help us get over or fears or atleast how to overcome them.because i aso fear he might leave me for someone with no baby.but i feel he wouldnt be here if he didnt want to be.he has been dating aswell when we were apart.but now we are back.
pleae advise.
thank you

thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

WHy did you allow yourself to become pregnant by the new guy ? Was it really utterly accidental, or could you without greatly thinking about it have wanted this to happen for some reason ?
Why, especially, if he was as emotionally abusive as you say. and so opposed to a pregnancy that he left you when he found out about it ? Why did you stay with him if he was as unpleasant as he sounds ? You say you loved the attention from him, but it doesn't sound like loving attention at all.
On the other hand, it sounds as though your Ex is behaving very well indeed. Its good that his family seem to be in favour of you getting back together, too. I dont quite understand why he's worrying about the opinions of more distant relatives. If everyone had to wait for the results of a unanimous vote from ALL their relatives, would anyone get married ?
Seeing a relationship counsellor together sounds like a good idea.
Why do you seem to fear you might go back to the horrible baby daddy ? You could go to court and ask for a maintenance order for him to pay for the child, but to limit or prevent his access to the child he has shown no interest in, and if necessary, for a protection order to require him to keep away from you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/16

WHy did you allow yourself to become pregnant by the new guy ? Was it really utterly accidental, or could you without greatly thinking about it have wanted this to happen for some reason ?
Why, especially, if he was as emotionally abusive as you say. and so opposed to a pregnancy that he left you when he found out about it ? Why did you stay with him if he was as unpleasant as he sounds ? You say you loved the attention from him, but it doesn't sound like loving attention at all.
On the other hand, it sounds as though your Ex is behaving very well indeed. Its good that his family seem to be in favour of you getting back together, too. I dont quite understand why he's worrying about the opinions of more distant relatives. If everyone had to wait for the results of a unanimous vote from ALL their relatives, would anyone get married ?
Seeing a relationship counsellor together sounds like a good idea.
Why do you seem to fear you might go back to the horrible baby daddy ? You could go to court and ask for a maintenance order for him to pay for the child, but to limit or prevent his access to the child he has shown no interest in, and if necessary, for a protection order to require him to keep away from you.

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