Posted by: Gracie | 2009/07/13

Practise what you preach!

My brother-in-law is a real two-face! He is always preaching to people about their marriages and their relationships etc. My neice refers to him as " pastor"  - that' s how bad he is! Recently I found out that this holier-than-thou jerk has been messing around with another woman! He finds fault with everything his wife does - he complains about her cooking (in) ability (she hates cooking), her weight and just her in general! When he married her seven years ago, she had the same body she has now, did not like cooking etc. He insults her in front of other people (her parents and brother and his wife included) and treats her as though she is stupid! He makes derogatory remarks about everything she does or tries to do! I would really like to punch his lights out! He has had 2 affairs during his marriage and his latest conquest has since told him to take a hike! He has however already done irreparable damage in his marriage and now his wife does not want to make an effort to sort out their problems - can anyone blame her? I want to phone her, but I don' t know how to broach the subject as she is unaware that the rest of his family know of their problems. Do I just phone her and offer my unconditional support and do I tell this two-timing rat that he is a jerk who does not deserve another chance with his wife? He is my husband' s younger brother and thinks the world revolves around him - as do his parents and his twin brother! He has caused huge financial losses in the family due to his bad choices and now we all have to suffer because of it! So besides being a bad husband, he is also a bad " businessman"  who uses other peoples money for his get-rich quick schemes that always fail. HELP PLEASE!

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Our expert says:
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I mknow what it's like to get "pastor-ized" ! But the real mystery is not so much that he now complains anbout and scolds her though she hasn't changed, but that she chooses to stay with such an unpleasant guy Its very understandable that his wife doesn't want to work to solve the marital problems, especally as she'd probably be expected to do all the work herself, while he sat around and criticized.
Is there a geographical problem ? Otherwise, why do you feel you have to broach this subject by phone, rather than in a personal chat with her over a cup of coffee. It makes sense to speak gently with her, reveal that others have noticed and are bothered by how badly he treats her, and that you want to support and assist her. Approaching him in a confrontation without previously discussing this with her could make things worse for her, as well as embarrassing her further. And make sure that he NEVER gets ANY access to anyone else's money for his hare-brained schemes.

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Our users say:
Posted by: 007Boer | 2009/07/14

Buy yourself a nice video camera and record him while he makes crappy comments about his wife. I used to be such a dickhead myself and the problem is that you don' t realise it until someone points it out to you. Maybe if he sees himself being an ass, he will get the message and decide to work on his character. If not, get two of his larger male family members talk to him about his shitty attitude.

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