Our expert says:
So, unable to say something hurtful to the abusive person who hurt you, you hurt others who have not hurt you ? Doesn't sound like a good idea, does it ? Try siting down and writing a vicious letter to whoever it was who hurt you, expressing all of your anger as unpleasantly as you can. Then, don't post it, but burn it, and let your anger go up in flames at that time.
Then when interacting with others, reminding yourself that they have NOT hurt you, delay responding to them until you have checked that you are calm and if a nasty comment comes to mind, throw it away and say something pleasant, or at least bland. A year is long enough to harbour this degree of anger against your ex, however unpleasant they were - it's like you are insisting on carrying her around on your shoulders. If you can't beat this on your own, try seeing a good local counsellor for some sessions to help you achieve this, and to move on.
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