Posted by: vanessa | 2009/02/13

post 502 : Is he cheating?

See post 502...Guys, I try so hard already to give him power and control!
I let him handle the money, let him take control over many aspects of my life (such as what I eat, how much and when, letting him have the deciding vote in my new hairstyle, etc)... it just feels like he doesn' t even want me anymore.
Is it possible he' s cheating?
He goes through airtime (which I buy for him) so quickly, but swears blind that he isn' t hiding anything... I went through his phone (I felt terrible for doing it, but he does it to me all the time so I felt a little tit for tat was in order) and there were smses from girls on it, he sent one of them a pic of himself... he' s always accusing me of seeing other guys on the sly, but I never have and there is nothing suspicious I have done... He' s cheated before, with at least 3 other women...
If he doesn' t want me, then why is he so controlling and possessive!
Help. I must be doing something wrong.

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Our expert says:
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VAnessa, sounds to me like you have a real problem. He may be getting off on possession rather than love - these things can become very ugly - I suggest you see a counselor urgently

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bill | 2009/02/13

He' s the man that is meant to look after you? Just how does he do that? I think you look after him, get a restraining order, and a big beefy friend, not rebound boyfriend. It seems as if your guy knows how to press all your buttons and control you, break the grip he has on you and see if he still sticks around, let the money and charity dry up and see if he gets a job, I doubt it!He probably has the next woman lined up already! I am saying a lot of bad things here, so remember that it is only my opinion I might be miles wrong, only you will know deep down, and by posting on this sight I think you know what to do already, you just need confirmation that it is not you! and believe me it is not your fault!

Reply to Bill
Posted by: Vanessa | 2009/02/13

Hi guys...
I hear you... I' ve tried to leave him, but he gets aggressive (he broke my car last time), he shows up at my flat and hoots and hoots and causes a scene, he sends non-stop messages, promises the world... and I always end up going back. He says to me that I need him, he' s the man who is meant to look after me, I' ll move on to another relationship and I' ll be miserable because it' s me that' s the problem... I just don' t know. I can' t leave him... it must be voodoo... I' m not really scared of being alone, but I' m a bit worried about how he' ll react, how aggressive he' ll get. Maybe I should find myself a big, beefy rebound boyfriend who' ll look after me...
Any takers?!!!

Reply to Vanessa
Posted by: Bill | 2009/02/13

Me again..
Some people hate their jobs but stay in them cause of the money, he is controlling etc, so that he doesn' t lose his job and income....(You) if he loses you, he has to start working, he is too lazy for that. Get some pride back, you are not the one doing anything wrong except for letting him use you!

Reply to Bill
Posted by: Bill | 2009/02/13

Hi again Vanessa
Now you are talking...obviously what I have said on your other post is not applicable in light of what you have just told us. My wife sells properties (a lot of divorce cases) and it is amazing how many men there are that look for vulnerable women on whom they feed. He has no interest in you, You are a convenience for him, a place to stay, occassional sex, food etc etc, he has no intention of getting a job, you are his provider, and if you let it carry on he is going to make you very poor and unhappy, he will eventually want half of your house, and everything else as soon as he has his next victim. How can you forgive him for cheating not once, but three times! Dump the leech, you deserve better, and find someone who will live and love with you, and not live on you! good luck

Reply to Bill
Posted by: Lady Man | 2009/02/13

Leave him

It sounds to me that he is not worth your love and attention. It will hurt in the beginning but time is on your side. Do not waste your money and time over him.

Reply to Lady Man

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