Posted by: henna | 2009/09/10

Post 3534 Father dying

Thank you for the advice.

Unfortunately his wife does' nt want hospice involved, she feels she is capable of taking care of him on her own. She used to be a nurse.
He is on morfien patches, syrup and pills and they only last for 3 and 1/2 hours these days. There is a district nurse that visits them now and again - but as I understand it is only to check his diet - which isn' t much these days...

ps: what is cbt counciling? I have phoned hospice and the coucillor there said I am more than welcome to come and speak to her... but that doesn' t solve my problem with the stepmom.
She has caused so much heartache over the years.

Thanks again :-)

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Our expert says:
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There are few creatures so dangerous as women who "used to be a nurse" and who don't recognize their limitations. She knows NOTHING of proper use of meds to control terminal pain and other symptoms, and cannot prescribe meds even if she knew how to manage the symptom control. I am frankly disguested to hear of someone whose ego is so huge and vulnerable that they would allow a loved one to suffer avoidable pain and other syhmptoms, simply so that they can show off, and who would prevent thir loved one from receiving care from people with infinitely more expertise and experience than she.
Thouh Morphine, properly used, can be very valuable, it's uncommon for someone to need pills, liquid AND patches. Who is deciding what doses to use, when and how ? I"m no even sure how legal it is to allow someone not currently registered as a nurse to administer such meds.
Maybe the hospice SW can help as a start, and let you clarify what other help yo might need. I'm sure others here can clarify what CBT counselling is, as it's something I discuss so often here in this forum, and if you check the archives of the forum, you'll find many explanations of it

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Our users say:
Posted by: Debbie | 2009/09/10

Hi Henna,
I am sorry to hear that your father is dying.Woman does have a point, right now, your dad needs his family around him. Do not waste any time to be with him that you will regret after he is gone.This time is precious - to the both of you.My father passed in 2000-he was in renal failure due to diabetes.What I realised on the day that he died and in the years since is that I cant take back the time that I wasted with him, telling him how much I appreciated him &  what he did for our family.Take this time to be with your dad,let him know how much he is loved and appreciated,you dont realise how much he will need it and love it.Like Woman says, leave your issues with your stepmom until you are ready to deal with them - this time is for you and your father.Dont waste it.
Take care &  God bless.

Reply to Debbie
Posted by: Woman | 2009/09/10

Henna, this is such a difficult time for you! It might sound horrible, but is it at all possible that you can set your feelings for this woman aside until your dad passes on? Just ignore her and her outbursts and you and your kids spend as much time as possible with your dad.

As you said, in a few weeks, he will be gone forever! SO get as much as you can with him. Spend short periods there and just ignore his wife. I know this is incredibly hard for you to hear, you are loosing your father, but she is loosing her husband too. How would you feel if your husband is wasting away in front of your eyes?

In highly stressful situations, tempers flare and a lot of bad things will be said. At least you know that once your father is gone, you don' t need to see or speak to this woman again. But for now, for your father' s sake, be the bigger person, and make his last days on this earth as happy and peaceful as you can..

Good luck to you and your family. My deepest sympathy is with you in this painful time!

Reply to Woman

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