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Question
Posted by: Mace | 2007/11/29

Porn images brought to bed

What does a woman do when her husband acts out, what he has seen in porn movies when we have sex? (I know because I have specifically watch a hard core porn movie to see what it is about.) And at other times you realise that he does not have sex with you even if it is your body?

He tells you that he loves you. He also knows from years back that him watching porn and always having fotos, megazines of naked woman hurts you. (He hides the porn from me but he changes therefore I know when this is taking over again.)

What I would like to know - how do I make myself stronger within myself not to feel so terrible hurt - I want to be able to deal with this or it will completely destroy my self worth and without that thereis nothing left

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder why he is so scared to be himself, rather than to act out fantasies of being someone else ? You may be right that in these episodes he isn't, in a very real sense, having sex with you rather than with some fantasy figure --- but he may also be busy trying to be some fantasy figure himself, as though concerned that his real self wouldn't be good enough. Seeing a personal counsellor should help you to choose the wisest way for you to deal with this --- and marriage counselling for the pair of you would be very adviseable if you could persuade him to join you in that endeavour

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Our users say:
Posted by: been there | 2007/11/29

I also had the same situation as you along with an emotional affair my hisband started with a colleague and our sex life changed to what he had seen and had started encountering with his colleague. What disturbs ne is the porn he's interested in is blond, huge busts and almost "rough sex". in real life he has a brown haired, 34B who prefers gentleness!
I havent found porn recently on his computer but he has deleted his History so I may presume he is still looking at busty blondes! I have been to counselling (joint & individual) and very little has changed in my life. I hate to sound prudish but I find porn disgusting,degrading and it instills in men that women are inferior sex objects. maybe dogs are on a similar wavelength as men?

Reply to been there
Posted by: Mace | 2007/11/29

For him a therapist is out of the question at the moment, I suggested it a few times icw his work stress which is a lot for the last 5 years. Maybe I shall get some guidance how to be strong from within but still loving. This is the only dark side of my husband whom is otherwise a decent, caring, intelligent person.

To - | | | - Thank you.

Reply to Mace
Posted by: -|||- | 2007/11/29

Porn stars are actors and that what they get paid good money for – acting. Much of what goes on in the movies is being acted out and with the actors having taken a fair amount of drugs So for any guy to watch it thinking that this is going to stir up a storm in his own bedroom is unrealistic and can like in your case cause more than an uneasy feeling than feelings of intimacy. Lots of fallacies about s e x and the pleasures intimacy can bring have its origin in these movies and when people cannot put distance between truth and ‘fiction’. If bigger was really better and if people had the kind of stamina displayed in the movies – while in actual fact it is scenes shot from different angles and edited to perfection – practically all women should be walking around unfulfilled in the bedroom, which isn’t the case. Maybe your husband fell into this trap of believing all he sees and using this as his queue to how he thinks you should be treated ????

Reply to -|||-

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