advertisement
Question
Posted by: Desperate Wife | 2007/11/28

Porn - again

I know this has bee in the archive many times , but I need a answer to my specific question,

I feel worthless when my husband recaives porn from his male co workers, He told me about it because he doesn't want to hide anything away. He says that it doesnt affect how he desires or loves me. But I find it impossoble to beleive. Surely what he sees on e-mails must be what he likes and then how can he like/ desire me? How do I relax about this because I feel hurt and btrayed. My jealousy is killing me!!!!!! To such an extent that I accuse him of being a porn addict. I've heard that when facing your fears , they go away. Shoul I buy him a porn book myself , will it make this terrible feeling go away??

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Firstly, if it is being sent tohim by others, it hasn't got anything to with you being inadequate in any way --- surely you don't think his co-workers have any opinion about you, leading them to send it to him. Sounds like a silly workplace where people waste time so frivolously. That he has told you about this is surely a good sign of him being probably trustworthy ? Why should whatever he sees on messages ent by other blokes, be something he particularly likes ? presumably its things THEY like. And it would have nothing to do with him not desiring you. Even if he did find the women in the picttures to be desirable ( and these are, according to you, oridginating from others, not from him searching for it ) it wouldn't mean that he doesn't find you desirable --- you may admire pictures of a lovely house or meal in a magazine, without wanting to move out of your own home or disliking your own cooking.
It sounds more as though, far from being a porn addict, the other guys send this stuf to him because they can see that it makes him feel embarrassed and uncomfortable --- that's what many guys are like.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: -|||- | 2007/11/29

Early in our relationship my g/f told me that I shouldn’t even consider asking her to watch X-rated movies with me, simply because she’s got a big problem with the fact that women are portrayed as objects and at men’s disposal in these movies. For the rest she’s open-minded enough to experiment with stuff that’s for sale in adult shops that we mutually enjoy. The problem that women have with porn (as I see it) is that they feel they become ‘just another woman’ if her partner watches porn and guys should be sensitive of this. Everyone has a need to be special and if what you do leaves your partner not feeling unique and a cut above the rest you should refrain from it. Having said that, usually the stuff that gets sent via mail is the “Good grief, check this out !!!!” kinda stuff and taking it personal and getting all tight lipped about it is unnecessary.

Reply to -|||-
Posted by: Mace | 2007/11/29

And what if he brings this into the bed by acting out what he saw in the porn movie and you feel that he is not making love/having sex with you but with another woman?

We have a great sex life, sometimes tender, sometimes wild and experimenting. Now I am hypersensitive; is it me tonight or an image of another?

Does someone perhaps know of a book to help me in this situation, making me stronger within myself without getting hard and detached.

Reply to Mace
Posted by: JULES | 2007/11/28

No, he SHOULD have told you! Its people like Mjojana that lie to their partners and hurt them even more.

I also dont think you should take it to seriously...men are men...they all like porn, allways will. And its nothing to do with us. But yes, it can get addictive and as soon as he starts sitting on the net every evening to watch porn and
not give you any attention....THEN you start moaning.
Girls are emotional about this...yes, we will allways be.

Reply to JULES
Posted by: MJOJANA | 2007/11/28

I am thinking to myself why did he tell you, he should not have,now look you are overreacting and upset.

Reply to MJOJANA
Posted by: cereal killer | 2007/11/28

men are strange. i could never get a kick out of watching naked men do sexual stuff, hmm. Is he addicted? tell him with little emotion that it does bother you, maybe there can be a substitute - or a compromise you both can reach. and don't feel jealous, he was being honest - so many men hide behind lies and pretend.

This is for you - As for the worthlessness and jealousy, do things that'll help you feel good! socialise with your girlfriends, exercise, practise yoga... so you can have peace of mind, and react calmly to the things that bother you. Good luck!

Reply to cereal killer
Posted by: billy | 2007/11/28

You are overreacting. Is or was your husband unfaithfull to you, does he go away on weekend "alone", does he go to bars and drink and come home drunk out of his mind. Talk to him and tell him that you dont like it,if he desire you and make passionate love to you,why in this world do you think he likes what he sees on his computer or in a magazine.He reads the menu on street but eats at home, get a grip on yourself

Reply to billy

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement