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Question
Posted by: sylvia | 2008/05/21

porn

Husband 45 yrs married 22 yrs looked at 30 porn sites over week period. Some horrible stuff. Also very tiny girl stuff. He lost interest in sex with me at all. I approached him and he says its a man thing. Is he board???

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Our expert says:
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Check the archives of this forum for many previous discussions of aspects of porn. It's not a man thing as such ; and ocasional interest in porn doesn't seem to do any harm. But when it starts to substitute for a real human and sexual relationship, that's an indication that things are not well within the relationship, and also his interest, if that's what it is, in little girl stuff, is not wholesome. Talk calmly about this with him, and suggest that maybe he should think of seeing a counsellor, or if he insists it's just a "man thing" though it disturbs you, ask him to see a marriage counsellor with you, to sort out YOUR problem ( I'm not saying that you are the problem, of course, but that may be the angle that will allow him to join you in such counselling, without feeling he has to admit to his own problems at the start ).

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Our users say:
Posted by: SYLVIA | 2008/05/23

Hi Gracie

He is not interested in sex because of his weight. Very overweight. But after 22 yrs you just carry on and do your own thing. I am staying in this marriage for my kids sake. The porn thing actually killed all that was left. We are running a business together and it is not so simple to just pack up and go.

Reply to SYLVIA
Posted by: Gracie | 2008/05/22

Porn is sick - especially kiddies porn - your husband has a problem and needs to seek professional help - no person in their right mind should be looking at pornography where little girls are involved - in fact any form of pornography. Does not matter what is going on in his life - there is no reason why any normal man should be going into porn sites. No, I agree with Mars this is not ok - it's totally unacceptable and sick! It is not a man thing --- his frustration in his job should be no reason for him to do such things. You say he is not interested in sex with you - is that not something to be worried about? I don't mean to be nasty, is he maybe not finding what we think of as disgusting, satisfying for himself? It is not normal behaviour - it is one thing to look at girlie mags, but a totally different matter to look at 30 porn sites in a week - that sounds like an obsession to me. I hope you can sort this out 'cos I am sure it must be very difficult for you to deal with!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Mars | 2008/05/22

No, no, no NO! It is not a man thing. It is NOT ok every once in a while and it is not good!!
For those of you that says its ok... How can it be ok, if the man "every once in a while" envy's to be with other woman. Look at their bodies and... Who knows what else!
Do you think Mr will be happy if you woman look at other guys every once in a while... Then tell him, you just wanted to see what other "stuff" looks like... And then comes with weird requests in the bed room, and measure him against the other guys and their bodies and performances?
NO, NO , NO!!!!

Reply to Mars
Posted by: sylvia | 2008/05/22

Thanx for the response. I hope there will be more answers. He said now that we cleared the air and he regret doing it I must get it out my system. But I cannot. He is very frustrated with his job at the moment but the money is very good. I rather stay in a small flat with no money than finding this on our computer. He is also very overwieght, 60 kg s and don't do any exercise. I look after myself and always try to look my best. Thanks for the support.

Reply to sylvia
Posted by: most mad | 2008/05/22

its not a man thing. he needs help, porn is okay to watch once in a while, but to a limit. he should get counceling. espesially the little girl porn is not normal.

Reply to most mad
Posted by: ann | 2008/05/22

I believe porn sites are evil and do alot of harm to marriages. No it is not a man thing - maybe he is bored and frustrated. I really think he should go for councelling before things get out of hand. He is also making you feel inadequate by looking at these sites. Ask him what he wants from your sex life?? Maybe you both could make it exciting for each other again (without Porn). Many marriages are vibrant and exciting without couples having too look at child porn or any porn for that matter. Speak to him again and ask him to respect you as his wife of 22 years!!!!

Reply to ann

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