Our expert says:
Dear Sad Dad,
Ineresting --- somehow her earlier complaint about the "shadow" sounded like there had to be somthing more behind it. Frankly, this unconsummated "affair" sounds to have been a foolish romantic fantasy rather than a major actual affair or betrayal --- through phonecalls and SMS ( the most useless development of modern technology since the electric toothbrush) allows both parties to play at a love affair, pretending to be whoever they'd prefer to be ( other than themslves ) and to pretend that the other person is some marvellous and impossible ideal ; and the relationship, flimsy as it is, usually does break down when it meets reality, as this one did. She must be feeling really embarrased and silly, and appalled at whatn she has damaged in her genuine relaionship with you, for the sake of this idiot. Wouldn't it be really worth your while for the two o you to work together in marriage counselling, to sort this out ? You still seem to love each other, and should be able to ork through this crisis and perhaps form a stronger relationship. And maybe, in such discussions, explore the possibility of perhaps doing LESS for her, and encouraging her to develop more independence, more friends and activities, so she isn't just stuck at home as a bored housewife. Then she wouldn't need any SMS.
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