Our expert says:
Many women feel an immediate need to deal with the problems they have with their spouses when they come for sex therapy. However, it is a basic truth that change must begin with the self. Beginning with personal work anchors us in our authentic loving selves and develops an appreciation for the complexities of change. We can make new choices for ourselves although we may not be able to change our partners.
Right now, if your partner asked you to do something you didn’t want to do, could you say no?
When there are attachment problems from your early life, you may feel the need to control others, whether directly or through subtle manipulation. Co dependence means centring your attention on the other. It is the illusion that you can somehow fix your partner’s problems, control unwanted behaviour, or get to him or her to change. Many women, as well as men, hold tenaciously to such illusions that are permanently doomed to failure. Such behaviour inhibits sexual self-expression and blunts sexual desire. Co-dependent women accommodate their partners’ desires and bypass lack of sexual feelings to engage in sex, simply to please. Bypassing uncomfortable
feelings to accommodate your partner’s desire erodes your sexual responsiveness.
This question directly targets your ability to stay individuated in your relationship. Acting in your own best interests is the opposite of co dependence. You can refuse your partner’s request when it is not in your best interests, and work on soothing your anxiety about his reaction. If you are totally honest in your answer to this question and you find it hard to say, “no,” you need to strengthen your boundaries. You must begin to set limits on unwanted behaviour and act in your own best interests more often.
Please contact POWA, or NISAA or an organisation taht can help you to take control
SASHA 0860 100 262 can assist you with the above numbers
Dr Elna Mcintosh
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.