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Question
Posted by: T | 2003/03/05

Please help. Pregnant!

Please I need help I'm going nuts I am 25 years old, the mother of 4 year old twins and our main source of income. I work on mainly commission.

I just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant. My husband wants me to get on abortion but that is no option for me. Please just give me advise anybody.

My e-mail address is tessa-ystone@freemail.absa.co.za I just need advise or somebody to tell me they have been in the same situation.

Any advise is welcome.

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Our expert says:
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Dear T, I'll ;eave it to some of our other good readers to respond here, especially as you want to hear from someone who has been in the same sort of situation. Check out the availibility in your area of counselling services which focus specifically on advising someone with problems about an inconvenient pregnancy --- some lean towards the idea that abortion is a good option, others, I hear, do not. They can provide access to support and advice from others experienced with the sort of situation you find yourself in.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/09

God bless YOU, T, and your entire family, and just you believe my words: you are going to be SUCH a happy family! You can ask you doctor to tie your tubes during or soon after the birth, so there will be no more worries about unwanted pregnancies. You'll have one for you, one for your husband, and one extra. That is just perrrfect. Bestest of luck!

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: T | 2003/03/07

Thank you Z. Yes I spoke to hubby last night he's not happy yet but he is taking it better. He is excepting it better now.

Although I said I will never have an abortion I phoned the Maria Stopes Clinic for an appointment before I read all the advise you guys gave me.

You all saved a babies life. I will have this child and I will love it with all my heart, and give it the best care I possibly can.

Thank you, I will be thankfull my hole life, and I wish my children can meet peolple like you along the road of their life. God bless you!

Reply to T
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/06

Dear, dear T -- PLEASE let us know how things work out! Yes, we do care, a lot. About you, your marriage, the baby, the twins. My husband was never much help either (I had 2 babies 21 months apart, so basically two in nappies). One will be easier to handle than two -- twins must be very difficult.

Rope in your mum, if she can possibly help. Holding thumbs for all of you ... Z

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: T | 2003/03/06

Thank you so much, for everybodies advise. I know that I will never be able to look at myself again if I do it. My husband never helped with the twins and I don't think he will with the new baby.
I did speak to my boss today he said he will help me financially.

How do you cope as a single mom? I have so much respect for somebody willing to do that. I send the twins to my mom, and my husband and I are going out to discuss things tonight. Please hold thumbs for me.

It touched my heart to know so many people care for a baby they will never even see, how can I not?

Reply to T
Posted by: HE TOLD me TO ABORT | 2003/03/06

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I have never aborted a pregnancy and now am faced with the brave task of being a single parent. My b/f too insisted on abortion but I refused - so he just left. I fully agree with Megan that God would not throw something your way that you are not able to handle. That aside, all things happen for a reason. Pardon the cliche. Why do you think I'm still carrying my unborn child? I think it was God's way of "coaxing" my boyfriend into leaving. He was taking and taking but seldomly giving and one can only put on so much 'mileage' in a relationship and then no more. I'm not saying that this is your situation of course, but certainly it's happened for a reason. I don't know if I'll have to sue for maintenance but whatever it takes, one makes do with what one has. I too have a demanding job and carry all the responsibility. However, I've made gradual sacrifices and plans: taking on ad hoc typing, renting out my single bedroom to a student girl until I turn it into a nursery, rented out my parking bay - anything to cut costs and make extra money!
Many of my friends have terminated their pregnancies (some more than once) and regret it today. They may be semi-relieved at the lack of responsibility but the emotional and psychological burden has been HUGE AND HEAVY. It's your body and it's your baby - handle it as best you can!!!! Good luck.

Reply to HE TOLD me TO ABORT
Posted by: Megan | 2003/03/06

Let me tell you, God will never give you something that you cannot handle - there will always be enough. Please don't abort the baby! You will have such resentment towards yourself and your husband if you do have the abortion - to such an extent that it might just ruin your marriage. Speak to your husband and explain to him how you feel. best of luck and keep your chin up.

Reply to Megan
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/05

Dear T -- It is not possible for anyone who has given birth to advise abortion. I haven't been in your position (apart from having been quite poor with two babies close together!). But an abortion will cast a dark shadow over the rest of your life, as you already know.

There is one other option .... although I doubt if you will be able to take it ... and that is, to put the baby up for adoption. There is an enormous shortage of (especially white) babies for adoption, so if you are really desperate, you can find your child a good home.

Look -- we all understand your dilemma -- but your baby is still your baby. As you are in a senior position at a major bank, why not rather have an open-hearted talk with your boss? Is it really such a crisis as you think? A close relative of mine works for the same bank and had her 2nd baby recently. She was given two months' maternity leave and during that time she was offered an even better position in that same bank.

I'm not saying you are in that sort of position, but I would think it's really worth it to go and talk to your senior(s) and get this sorted out.

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: tinkerbell | 2003/03/05

Please Please dont have an abortion, I know things are tough money wise but maybe your husband can comprise a bit on his car and help you a bit more because children are a gift from
GOD so please if you really feel that there is no other option rather look at adoption, but belive you will reget it if you abort.

GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS

Reply to tinkerbell
Posted by: T | 2003/03/05

My husband do work but he gets enough to pay his car only. I have a lot of expenses.

I am a Christian and I always wanted another child, but how will I look after him/her? My twins are a hand full, I work a full day and can't even take a day off work. I am senior managemant in a small company. I am so scared I won't be able to give the child the best possible care, and attention he will be up to strangers from birth, is that fair?

I will never be able to kill a human being, and by far not my all child.

Thank you for you advise, and for understanding.

Reply to T
Posted by: Lou | 2003/03/05

Dear T

Please whatever you do, dont get an abortion, you will never be happy if you do this, and it will haunt you for the rest of your life.
As you have children already, you know the ropes. I think it unfair that your husband should be so
selfish as to give up the child, remember you are both in this marriage. You say you are the sole income in the family, is there a reason why he cannot get a job.? doing anything.
I myself have not been in this situation but I do know of friends who have, and the really do regret giving up a child, having an abortion. They keep saying if only they could turn back the clock. Remember, if you are a Christian, this is no option, God gave you this life for a reason, you may not see it now, but in years to come, things will work out for the best, this could be a wake up call in away

Reply to Lou

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