Our expert says:
There is no way in which any competent or ethical doctor or psycholiogist, or anyone else, could or would, help you in the way you mention. BUT you still need, urgently, to see a good local shrink, ither privately or through the casualty dept of a large local hospital, or through the Dept of Psychiatry at your nearest medical school --- for proper assessment and help. There is no need for you to feel like this, and you could be feeling a good deal better, and enjoying life again. Only your having not got engaged in the right sort of help, is delaying that good outcome. Call Lifeline to talk things over, too.
OK, so something went wrong after a relatively recent change in your meds --- going back to the meds as they were, or making other variations in them, could make all the difference.
And as for your husband and child, you seem to be thinking only of their material / financial well-being --- the suicide of someone like you who they do indeed love, would be devastating to them --- don't underestimate that.
The comprals have surely upset your stomach for a time, and possibly also your liver. Seeing your doctor will be able to start sorting this out and moving you back towards feeling better.
You do NOT have to sacrifice yourself in order to get rid of the demon --- your shrink can help you to get rid of the demons and allow you to return to full control. Surely that is worth achieving.
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