Posted by: Caring partner | 2007/05/28

Please help

My partner has a 9 year old from a previous relationship.His ex relocated beyond the boarders of SA and left their daughter with her parents.Years later the child moved in with my partner and are getting along.The child refuses to go her moms parents and this past saturday her grandparents requested that she visits them but the child cried when her dad dropped her off and as a results her grandparents thinks the child is being influenced.i suspect that the child might have been somehow abused(emotionallly)during her stay at her grandparents.i suggested that my partner and her go see a child psychologist or find out from school if there are any.i really care about this guy and the wellbeing of his daughter.I also dont know if i should get involved ...i want to be there for them in anyway possible, i want to be a mother figure for his daughter also i feel she needs the love that her mom didnt give to her.i also have a son and i would like to help as i know every child needs a loving mom...any suggestions???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If the child at present doesn't want to be with or visit the grandparents, thst's the child's prerogative --- it's the child's best interests that matter, and I doubt that the grandpaents have any formal right to such access. And a child is fully capable of making such a decision without being influenced by others.
If you have ANY reason to suspec that the child might be being abused ( maybe by the grandparents, or by someone else, even without their knowledge, while visiting them ) that's a giood reason to stop the visits for now and to take the child to a good local child shrink for a proper assessment.

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Our users say:
Posted by: 2beme | 2007/05/28

To caring partner
It is a very difficult situation that you are in - as the so called ""step mom"" and basically getting involved is where you want to be.
i also believe you can see more clearly what is going on as an outsider (i dont mean that disrespectively) but you have a logical insight and not just emotional.
However i caution you to tread carefully as it could backfire on you - you know men - one minute it is okay the following minutes they are breaking up with you because you did it.??
Good Luck and keep caring.

Reply to 2beme

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