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Question
Posted by: Eli | 2007/03/14

Please help

I'm a lesbian 30yrs of age me and partner need urgent counselling cause we always fighting and we want to tie the knot in September and feel that if we don't get couselling then its best for us not to even think about marriage. We fight every weekends about my friends of 15yrs (by the way we are only 2yrs together), she wants me to see my friends, that I used to see everyday and every weekend and she even met me through them when ever she wants. and whenever I'm from them she will start a fight unnecessarily then blames me for it saying that everytime I come from my friend I fight with her. Please help me I'm emotionally drained, I even feel that I should rather leave her, please don't get me wrong she is a nice person, who showers me with gifts everytime, takes me out and buys me everything I want, but the way she treats me I can't take it anymore and even feel that maybe she is doing all these things for me to forget about my friends. They are the only friends I have cause I tried to be friends with her sisters, (they are five sisters and she is the second one) but they always have a problem with me, if its not the other one then its the other one or even the mother for that matter. By the way she is coloured and very light in complexion and because I'm black I think that's why her family treats me the way they do, cause sometimes you hear them saying the K... word and forget that I'm in their company, that's why I think they have a problem with black people. Please help me I don't know what to do anymore should I carry on or just leave her?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Eli, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting here. I apologise for my delayed response.

It sounds as if your partner is setting you up for emotional abuse. You say she's 'nice' because she buys you things and takes you out, and yet she's emotionally abusive to the point that you're considering leaving her.

It doesn't sound as though you'd benefit from couple counselling - rather see a counsellor yourself and try to work out why you're feeling so stuck in an abusive and dysfunctional relationship. Invest in yourself, not the relationship - which sounds fundamentally flawed.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/03/14

WOW,

You have two distinct problems here.

1. Friends, friends, friends ........ I mean are you in a relationship with your partner or your friends?

Friends are people you know and you need to find more time with your partner and way less time with friends.

2. In a cross racial relationship you are adding so much more pressure of cross culture and a list of other racial issues that just maybe will never work out. This is not about being racist so dont get the wrong idea.

As for the idea of counselling YES, a very definate YES!

You need to find a happy balance of being lesbian which on its own is an enormous social pressure on you as an individual. There is no better way then to find a therapist that can help you deal with that first and foremost.

You have to make peace with yourself as a person and a lesbian first. You will not find resolution in having friends and a partner before you find friendship with yourself.

See a therapist to help you asap.

xxxxxxx
Nikki

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