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Question
Posted by: Ted | 2004/10/08

Please help

Hi

One of my family members(i.e Aunt) is HIV(+), she recently lost her husband and her last born child. As a result of this she had to relocate from where she lived with her hubby and come stay with the rest of the family. What has happened is that she has now started drinking and is sleeping around, its as if she has given up on life. She still looks healthy but I afraid if she goes on like this her health is bound 2 deteriorate.

She still has 3 kids of her own that she has 2 look after and if u dare talk 2 her about looking after her kids well you will get whats coming for u. She is very rude to everyone which makes it a bit difficult to approach her.

I am pretty much younger 2 her & I am also not that close 2 her which makes it even worse 4 me 2 even try talking some sense into her head.

Everyone else has actually given up on her & I'm really worried that if she goes on like this she will definitely not last very long.

What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageHIV Peer Forum

Sit her down and tell her how you feel

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Ted | 2004/10/08

Thanks guyz, its a tough call but I will give it my best shot. If all fails I will let you know.

My family lives in the east rand and I live in the Vaal on my own.

cheers and have a fab weekend!

Reply to Ted
Posted by: Isis | 2004/10/08

I agree with Inc

She has kids and should be behaving more responsibly and i am all for the tough love approach.Not only is she self destructive,she might not be using protection with her partners.(note that knowingly infecting somebody with the hivirus is punishable by law)Make sure she is aware of this.

I understand about you being much younger than her,call a family meeting,sit her down make her see the facts.Get somebody older whom she respects and will at least listen to.
Then remind her she has children who depend on her and at the rate she is going,they will end up being embarrased to call her mother and will suffer emotionally as a consequence.Get her counselling,Which area do you live in?

Reply to Isis
Posted by: Inc | 2004/10/08

Your aunt is on a path of self-destruction. You need to take the tough love approach! Is she using protection with this sleeping around? Does she not realize that she has other children to look after? Your family should put her out... sometimes you need to be cruel... maybe then she will realize that she needs to pull herself together. Her rudeness should not be tolerated! Just because she is HIV+ does not make her fragile... and no-one has to feel the need to tip-toe around her... she seems to be using this illness to play on you and your family. It is not your fault that she is going through this... and it is wrong for her to lash out at those who are trying to help her. Speak to your family about this ... I hope that you can find some solution... this is not healthy behaviour! Put her in re-hab if you have to.

Reply to Inc

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