Our expert says:
Good grief, my dear, its men who never masturbate who are peculiar, odd, and worthy off suspicion. Some would say there are only two types of men, those who masturbate, and those who lie about it. It's natural, normal, healthy, and harmless, and in no way whatever unfairthful to you. I think you need to see a counsellor to sort out your feelings over this, which suggest a potential for wider disturbances and problems if you let them go and ignored, rather than face them. For Pete's sake --- the poor guy must have been enormously embarrassed when you walked in and discovered him at it, and should never be asked to promise to never do it again. He owed you no apology at all, maybe you owe him an apology for not respecing his privacy.
Normal people, men and women, who are in very loving and highly sexually satisfying relationships, still masturbate at time. It probably makes any possibility of an affair much less likely, also. Chelle and natural are completely accurate and right here.
WHy shouldn't he masturbate behind your back" --- must he really call you to sit and watch every time he feels like it ? And why are you so sure he is fantasizing about some other woman, rather than about you ? That it is bnatural, normal, does no harm and is part of the sex life of around 90% of men and probably around 70 % of women, is a FACT, and not open to opinion. You might as well hold the opinion that urinating is abnormal and disgusting --- that wouldn't alter the fact that in the case of urination everyone has to do it. You are free to feel that it is disgusting ( to you ) and to be firm in your belief that you would never want to do it --- that's your privilege. But it has nothing whatever to do with morals.
NOw, in your second response in the discussion, you reach the issues that really matter, and this confirms my initial impression that your fierce reaction was about more than mere masturbation. When you say that he "doesn't want sex any more" and that your "sex life has gone terribly wrong" ; these are the really important issues. From your later remarks, it sounds as if your concern is indeed not about masturbation at all, but about a sexual relatonship gone sour.
Wouldn't it be wise for the two of you to become involved in pre-marriage / relationship counselling, to sort out what has ben going wrong, and to get things right in the relationship as a whole ? The masturbation is definitely not the cause of the change and problem within your sexual relationship, and is probably as much caused by those problems as was your extreme reaction to his normal behaviour. Couples Counselling is strongly adviseable here, as I am pretty sure that even if the poor guy never masturbates again in his life, this relationship will not be happy and fulfilled until you both work out whatever else is going wrong within it.
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