Posted by: Confused | 2008/09/05

please assist

How can one reach the point of forgiveness and let go of the past when more than enough times the other person is been given enough chances to change and be part of your life again? How?

When you love him so much and find it hard to let go of him despite his ways worst off now because your scared of being pregnant alone when only the pregnancy is just 2 months? how?

Dr, I am in great confusion, sadness and fear of it all, I don' t know what to think most of the time because this men can love me so much yet can also hurt me so much? I need and love him yes and do not want to be pregnant alone yet I don' t want him near me because he can stress and upset me so much with his ways. I let him move out to a flat because I wanted to have a queit pregnancy and because he hurt me so bad. yes it is quiet and peaceful but is lonely and sad as I am alone at home. he has been going to therapy for help since the last incident with his anger and past and has been really coming back to me to forgive him and let him back in my heart again.

Help me sort out my feelings, please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think there is an enormous amount of guff spoken about forgiveness. It is NOT aboput giving the perpetrator another chance to hurt you, or endlessly allowing them another chance to enjoy what they destroyed in the relationship. The only form of forgiveness that is wholeseome and worth recommending is freeing yourself from bonds of bitterness tying you to the perpetrator and the bad event(s). Why are you so dependent on nhim ? Don't you have any family and friends who can support you at a time like this ?
Sometimes, mistakenly or otherwise, you feel what you think is love, for someone who behaves in an ugly fashion and is cruel to you and others. If he can hurt you so much, so often, he does NOT love you, whatever he says --- love is best shown in loving actions, not words. Maybe you need to see a counsellor yourself, to become more independent and more respectful of yourself, and more assertive and less likely to allow someone to treat you badly.

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