Posted by: Pissed Off | 2008/09/30

PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bible says we should help our fellow man. If you help someone you will get it back 3 times. That is not why I helped him, I helped him because he was in trouble and I know all about being desperate due to a car giving problems. I had my share of being stuck on the side of the road not knowing if you will get him safe and not get raped. I know the desperation all too well.

Ok so I helped this guy with some money. He told me he would meet me in the street where I work, he took down my number and said he would phone me when he is outside. I thought, hell, you know, if only there was someone to help me all those times that I was stuck. I don' t want this guy to be in the same situation. Anyway, so ja, he has not come out yet. Had to meet me an hour ago.

I am sitting here, getting more and more pissed off, because yet again I helped someone and I get kicked in the teeth. When is it going to be my turn to get something back????? I mean, I get a salary of R5000 a month and my husband is unemployed. I help this guy and all I expected was to get my money back. Not more, just to get it back. R100 is not alot, but it is a helluva lot when you might start running out of food. The man upstairs sees my situation, he sees I have very little, but I am still willing to help my fellow man, and all I get in return is a kick in teeth. That' s nice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As Anon says, one should only help without expecting anything in return, not even repayment, but this would, inevtiably, be an annoying and frustrating experience. And if he promised to repay you, he should to do so. But with strangers, you cannot predict the outcome, and its wisest to give only if you can afford to lose it. Its not clear from your message what the time-scale is here, Even if he has been delayed by further car trouble, he could presumably still have contacted you to explain

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Pissed Off | 2008/10/01

O EL, been there done that. When you give with that attitude that same lender keeps coming back and back and back. There is a woman at my office that comes to me every single month wanting ' a few bucks' . I feel sorry for her, she has a small child and her and her hubby don' t earn alot, but she does earn more than me. That' s beside the point. I lend to her, not expecting back, never saying anything, and now she keeps coming to me, because she knows I won' t moan about it. Last week when, as predicted, she came to me again I said no. I still feel bad, but I cannot keep others'  heads above water. I have to start thinking of MYSELF!!!! Other people don' t and won' t help me when I am stuck, why should I!!!!!!!

I am just gatvol of being a doormat to people and I guess I am the only one that can change that.

Reply to Pissed Off
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/30

The only time that you will get something in return is when you don' t expect anything back! If you do everything out of kindness and not expecting anything back, that is the day you' ll get something back.

Reply to EL
Posted by: yoh | 2008/09/30

i only earn R1800 a month and im married with a new born.i wud be pissed of 2

Reply to yoh
Posted by: ag | 2008/09/30

No matter what we do some of us will always be victims. However you have me feel a lot better. I also only earn R5000.00 a month (glad I am not alone). But I don' t have a husband at all employed or not.

Reply to ag
Posted by: Me | 2008/09/30

Sorry, I mean Pissed Off (Not Anon) knows that she will not get her money back by being pissed off.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Me | 2008/09/30

No guys, how can you lend people money and not expect to get it back. Lending means you MUST get it back. Giving on the other hand means you are not expecting it back. If people promise to pay back then they MUST - no 2 ways about it. If you ask for money and you don' t think you will be able to pay it back you don' t use the words borrow or lend then, so that the person giving you the money can know upfront that it is not coming back and then decide if they can afford it or not.

There isn' t always positive things to draw out of situations. And it is human to be pissed off. You get pissed off before you learn your lesson and then move on - getting pissed off is part of the process. Ofcourse Anon knows that getting pissed off is not going to return her money, but the fact of the matter is that if people take you for a ride you WILL be pissed off if you are human.


Reply to Me
Posted by: Zexeon | 2008/09/30

I was thought you only lend people money if you won' t mind if you didn' t get it back.

Reply to Zexeon
Posted by: Kelly | 2008/09/30

Well i understand ur frustration but its not going to do u any good being pissed off.
U know what just move on and know that everything happens for a reason.The other day i had lost a R200,this drug addict asked me for a 50c and i said i dont have.Ayways after buying something at the shop i kinda missplaced my money,well i dont know how it happend but i got to work and realised that i was missing a R200, anyways it was kinda the last money i had left to last till the end of the month and i just had this dreadfull feeling once i realised it.

So i though to myself that i could choose to feel shit about it all day or just forget about it coz its gone and over with.If that druggie got it then good for him, hopefully he buys some food for himself and chooses to use it wisely cos i worked hard for it.Or someone who actually needed it more than me picked it up and it brought some joy to them.
So i get to my desk and i find a delicious breakfast waiting for me :-),my frnd had gotten me some breakfast so sweet of her.
That put a smile on my face.

I think we should rather just try and see the good in any situation because we cant go back and change it.You loan him money with a good heart.Maybe he dsnt have to give it back just forget about it because if he dsnt have to give it back no amount of anger from ur side it going to miraculously make him give it to u.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Pissed Off | 2008/09/30

Anon, you didn' t read my post. I didn' t say I wanted anything in return. I simply wanted my money back as I had been promised. I NEVER do anything expecting anything in return, what kills me is that South Africans cannot stick to their word. The one is more corrupt than the other.

Reply to Pissed Off
Posted by: Anon | 2008/09/30

I think the true meaning of helping someone is not expecting anything back in return.

I understand your frustration, I was in a situation where I had no money, a baby on the way and my husband was a heroin &  coke addict. There were so many people who offered us food, and I got so much from my baby shower there was so much love all around and so much support. A total stranger came out of nowhere one day and offered me &  my baby a lift home and even offered us money.

And now that my husband has been clean for 15 months and we both have jobs, we help people that now need our help without expecting anything in return. As it is now our turn to do good and pay it forward.

There will be a time where someone will help you when you are in need.

Reply to Anon

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