Posted by: Sky | 2006/07/18

Perfect girlfriend GONE BAD

Dear CS

Thank you for your response to posting 2678. It gave me some perspective. I understand that being human means that we are not all perfect.

However, I don't know how to tell my boyfriend about what happened (the drunken kiss). I planned on taking him to a quiet restaurant where we could chat and I was going to be completely honest with him. He is only coming back from holiday tomorrow evening.

The only problem is that he just found out that his cousin is on life support and they are going to pull the plug. This just makes me sick to my stomach. How can I explain what happened when all I want is to be there for him at this difficult time. Do I tell him when he gets back?

Last week his best friend was involved in an accident and the girl they were with was killed. I don't know how to handle this very delicate situation. I'm trying not to confuse issues but I don't know what to do. I am finding it difficult to deal with this. I went to the funeral while he was away and I have never been so emotional. His being away has made this so much harder.

Am I being selfish thinking about what I did? The incredibly stupid moment that I had when he was away?

How do I show him that I love him and want to be with him but at the same time be honest with him when he is going through such a tough time? Please please help.

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Our expert says:
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I don't see that there's a need to be in a great hurry here -- surely it's a matter of proportion and perspective. Shouldn't this crisis with his good friend and the need to support him in dealing with that, take precedenece ? Talk with him about the funeral and how you reacted to it, and how you feel so anxious to be helpful and unsure of how to do so, and see how he feels.
I agree with R and Butterfly --- your feelings of gilt are rather exaggerated, and your need to tell him asap is something you want to do FOR YOURSELF< rather than truly for him. This is not a matter of bring dishonest, but of timing, so as not to add something that may upset him but has upset you even more so, to an unavoidably and unpostponable grief and alarm at the situation of his friend.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zanè | 2006/07/18

Sky, this must really be a difficult time for you. I have to agree with would not be a good time to discuss the kiss with him. Just be there for him right now...and when things are a bit less emotional tell him what see I believe honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship, so yes tell him but just wait untill he (and you) have emotionally recovered from recent events!


Reply to Zanè
Posted by: Butterfly | 2006/07/18

Just an observation - it seems that you want to tell him to alleviate your own guilt and not for your boyfriends sake.

I think he has to much on his plate at the moment and your little confession will just make things worse.

Forget it ever happened, chalk it up to a stupid mistake and leave it in the past.

Reply to Butterfly
Posted by: R | 2006/07/18

You are feeling very guilty about what happened and reading of everything what is happening around him and you, do not tell him now for he will react in a way he doesn't want to. Keep it for yourself at this stage and when everything gets back to normal, you must tell him. Now just isn't a good time!!

Reply to R

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