Our expert says:
I don't see that there's a need to be in a great hurry here -- surely it's a matter of proportion and perspective. Shouldn't this crisis with his good friend and the need to support him in dealing with that, take precedenece ? Talk with him about the funeral and how you reacted to it, and how you feel so anxious to be helpful and unsure of how to do so, and see how he feels.
I agree with R and Butterfly --- your feelings of gilt are rather exaggerated, and your need to tell him asap is something you want to do FOR YOURSELF< rather than truly for him. This is not a matter of bring dishonest, but of timing, so as not to add something that may upset him but has upset you even more so, to an unavoidably and unpostponable grief and alarm at the situation of his friend.
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