Posted by: Phira | 2010/01/30

People make me feel different

I have a disorder in legs and right arm is covered with a scar and a little scars in face, this was cozed by car accident in 2004. Last week 3 girls walked infront of me and 2 of them behind me, the other 1 said something about me and they laughed only one didn' t laugh and she told me that they laughing at my legs and she was so angry, i didn' t take it serious. Today a guy looked at my scar and he said to me ' this is not a hospital its a salon, what are you doing here?'  and they laughed at me. I was so hurt, i didn' t do my hair I came back home. Tell me how do i face this?

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Our expert says:
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Hi P,
I was also smashed up in a car accident ( no my fault ); and left disabled by it.
I am sorry that you have run into such disgusting people, who treated you so cruelly - frankly, I hope that one day, when they themselves experience damage and injury, they will remember what they said to you, and feel ashamed.
Discrimination against the disabled and damaged is forbidden by law, and if I were you I would phone the most senior manager of the salon involved, and tell him/ her what happened, and ask for a formal apology, saying that you are considering reporting them to the Human Rights Commission to prevent them from humiliating any other people.
Also, recognize something teribly important. You are a normal person, and handsome and good. They think they're marvellous, and may look good on the outside, but inside they are totally and eternally ugly, in ways that no form of make-up, or clothes, or hair-do's can change. They are likely to be truly ugly, forever, in their horrible nature, unless something shows them what they are, and reminds them of what they should be
I treat people like that, in the same way as I respond if a dog barks at me as I'm limping down the street - I don't take it personally ; I hear the barking as entirely about the dog, and not about me at all

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Our users say:
Posted by: Red | 2010/02/01

That is so rude and childish what they said to you. They ' re the ones who should " be careful what you say" . It might just come true. Their lives are obviosly so dull!!!

Reply to Red
Posted by: Liza | 2010/02/01

I' m not different on the outside to most people, but inside I' m VERY different. A lot of people don' t know what to do when confronted with differentness and try to laugh it off instead. Sometimes they don' t even want to be mean, they just don' t know what to do and nastiness somehow crops up.

I sometimes have difficulty working with others because my short-term memory is VERY bad. I cannot remember things that they' ve said to me the previous day - unless I wrote it down, which I try to do but it isn' t always possible. And then there are the times where I' ve told someone something, but the next day I forget that I said it to them, and say it to them again - I frequently get funny looks when things like this happen. My friends and boss accept me for who I am - and even get into the habit of reminding me of stuff I' ve said or done or meant to do. But there are those who' re nasty and ask me whether I' m stupid to forget what I' ve said the previous day. Yes, sometimes I do feel stupid, but no-one can think as fast and type as fast as what I can and somehow I get the same amount of work done as others in my team even with my handicap.

My science teacher in matric gave me a card saying that success should not be measured against what others have achieved, but what obstacles I have overcome to get where I am. Even though this card is now almost 16 years old, it' s laminated and stuck to my wall where I can read it every day. Perhaps you need a similar card to remind you that you have overcome obstacles others might have floundered at.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/02/01

I am so sorry for what you are going through!! You get some very cruel people out there, and it breaks my heart to hear how they treat you.
You need to remember that you are strong - you have to be, considering what you' ve been through! And these people are not better than you - they might like to think so, in order to feel better about their own misrable lives, but they are proving the opposite by their behaviour. When you have juvenile twits laughing at you, calmly turn around and ask them what is so funny and would they care to share the joke? Do they find it funny that you' ve been injured? Funny that you were involved in a bad accident? These people are normally cowards, and will be ashamed.
As for the idiot in the salon..... Don' t give him the reaction he is obviously looking for! Just smile sweetly and say pleasantly: " Gee, thanks for pointing that out! I was a little confused, but you' ve cleared that up for me. Good thing you were here today!" 
As long as you keep you head high, and act with grace and kindness, these people will realise what a wonderful person you really are and will feel ashamed for treating you so horribly.

Good luck!!!

Reply to qwerty

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