Posted by: Nella | 2008/10/06

peeping tom

I do not know if this question is for this expert. I found out my husband is watching a lot of porn and this weekend I found out that my husband is peeping through a small hole that he made in the bathroom window. My son' s fiance is staying with us and she told me she saw him watching her through the window. I asked my daughter about it and she said yes she has the same problem, since 5 months after I got married to him. I was furrious and do not know how to feel. I feel that I am married to someone I do not know and must protect my daughter. Is there a cure for such a person? Or must I rather divorce him? If there is a cure, what is it and where can I get help?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Whew, tricky situation you are in Nella. It does seem that he has overstepped boundaries and this needs to be addressed. Whether or not he can overcome this may depend on his willingness to accept this behaviour as unacceptable and to seek professional help. You in the meantime are stuck not knowing how to manage the fact that females in your house cannot be assured privacy as there is a real chance that he might have found a way to spy again. Whilst it must feel asthough you don't know him at all, and this is a common reaction to discovering acts of deception/betrayal, you DO know major parts of him, and now know that you don't know ALL of him! You need to make it clear that this is unacceptable and perhaps support him to get help/seek some understanding of his behaviour. If he won't do this, then you have to make a decision based on a chance that this won't change vs. assuring your daughter/other women privacy.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Elvis (the king) | 2008/10/08

It seems that you are more concerned about loosing this man than the well being of your own kids, let alone their safety. You want to still trust this man, that sounds a bit desparate.
I would have confronted him, embarrased him in front of who-ever he is doing it to. If it where my own kids, I' m not sure I will be able to restrain myself from knocking his head right off his shoulders. Waiting for a " remark when you patch the window"  is not going to fix this man up.This man needs help. Of course he must want to be helped and not you deciding he must see someone.
Put your kids first, not yourself and do something about it immediately. It is a difficult situation but work with the problem at hand and the rest will work itself out. Confronting him and listening to his replies will help you decide on your future. Maybe, do it with your kids present.

Goodluck to you and your kids.

Reply to Elvis (the king)
Posted by: Nella | 2008/10/06

You are right, this is my worst nightmare ever. I feel like crying screeming and even like hurting him badly. I have not caught him myself but the two girls spoke to me about it, I could not believe it and went to look and found the 2small hole' s. I looked through it and could see clearly everything in the bathroom. The porn I have caught him myself but that I feel I could handle. I just know that I could not be held responsible for my actions if I catch him....I am goiing to protect the 2girls completly now, and if he is goiing to make a remark about the paches on the window then I am goiing to use that to confront him. Otherwise as soon as I have someone that he can go and see I am in anycase goiing to confront him. But I still do not know if I will ever by able to trust him again.....

Reply to Nella
Posted by: Wow | 2008/10/06

Oh my word...this has got to be a mother and a wife' s worst nightmare! To have thoughts of your husband possibly molesting your daughter! I' m sorry, but that is disgusting of him to watch his daughter in the bath! Have you confronted him about this? Maybe you shouldn' t for now. Well firstly, block the hole in the window so he can' t look anymore.

Second, he needs to see someone desperately. I don' t know if I could handle the idea of worrying if my HUSBAND is going to do something to my daughter! I feel for you. Be strong and do whatever is necessary to protect your daughter.

Reply to Wow
Posted by: LVO | 2008/10/06

Hi there. Well I think there is a cure for him but he has to want to fix himself and by him being caught and not coming forward himself won' t make him remorseful in other words will he be sorry for being caught or will he be sorry sorry for what he has done? Divorce is your choice but as a mother myself I would do what ever I need to protect my child. And who knows if his urges will become stronger and he doesn' t just peep anymore he starts to touch then its too late the damage is done. You need to do something about it. I feel for you and don' t wish anyone to have to make such a decision. Good luck.

Reply to LVO

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