Posted by: Breeza | 2004/12/09

Paternity test

I know it might not be the right forum to post this but I've seen that you guys in this forum are jack of all trades! Meant to be a compliment OK !

Hubby has a 10 yr old boy from a girl he had a one night stand with years before we got married. Hubby saw the child for the first time when he was 8 yrs old.he doubts whether he is the father.He's been supporting him since then . He heard rumours that the child is not his way before the child was born but refused to accept them because he wanted a child desperately then. He tracked the child and started maintaining him. The child's mother however does not want him to see the child . he ha'snt seen him in more than 3 years now but he deligenlty deposits money every month . he doubts if he's the father, the boytjie does not look like him and coupled with all the rumours he heard before ,the doubt is mounting .He' does not want the boy to know that he doubts his paternity just in case he is really the biological father . How can he get to have the test done without the poor boy knowing? In his will he'll leave quite a hefty sum of money to him if he dies and he feels he needs to know for sure. I know he longs for a child big time and I'm infertile . The boy's mother would not allow him to do that even if he told her about what he wants to do. What can he do to prove paternity without the mother and the boy knowing ? How much does the paternity test costs? does the medical aid cover it . The child's mother wanted an increase on the allowance and threatened to take him to court for maintannance. I asked him to just take the son as his own son and not question anything further since I cannot give him a child.If that was not the case I would have encouraged him to take the matter further. The child lives in Durbs with his mom and we are in Joburg so he does not get to see him but the feeling that he is a father is what I dont want taken away from him.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think the matters of maintenance, paternity and access have to be dealt with through the proper legal processes. COnsult a good lawyer and discuss this situation in detail. Kay sounds right on this. I'm sure he is entitled to insist on a paternity test, and that she can't insist on maintenance without allowing one to take place. The child probably woul;dn't be btohered about having a blood test done --- how the result is explained to him wil of course depend on that result.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2016/06/20

can my medical aid cover me and the child if i want to do a dna test because i'm not sure if the baby is mine. the baby is not in my medical aid .

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2015/12/02

Can medical aid settle paternity test bills? How much does medical aid bill cost?

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Post by N | 2014/04/23

Ma husband was involved with this lady in December 2010,before we got married.She fell pregnant and told my husband that she was not read to be a mother,so she applied for an abortion,and when she came back from the hospital she called my husband and told him that she aborted his baby.She had paper from hospital but my husband didn't read them because we wanted this baby,and he says it was the last time he saw her.Now she's got two boys twins that were born in October she claims that they're ma Husband's.As his wife I'm confused and he said to me one day I wonder why this is happening to mi,because he really values family,and he has a girl outside marriage,he told me about her before we got married,and even told me about this child that was aborted.So we don't know what to do,how much is the DNA test and seeing from thing my husband have to pay all that amount on his own,and am currently studying he's the bread winner.Please help us because we want to clear things to this angels.

Reply to Post by N
Posted by: BY N | 2014/04/23

My Husband had an affair with this woman before we got married,so in December 2010 she came to him and told him that she's pregnant,she also said she's not ready 2 be a mother.So she applied for abortion,and she called him and they met she told him that she aborted the baby.She was carrying papers from the Hospital,my Husband didn't have a strength 2 read them cause he wanted the baby and told her not 2 go through with the abortion.So they broke up in that day she told him about the abortion.So she gave birth to boys twins in October 2011,in we got married in 2013.Now the problem is she is back and saying those children are ma husband's,and she agrees that they were born in October.As his wife I don't know what to think,and we're both confused with my husband he doesn't want this children to be mislead.I was wondering what can we do,how much is the DNA test so that we can clear this situation.Please help me!

Reply to BY N
Posted by: Stalush | 2004/12/10

I have been through the whole maintenance issue and I think I understand how it works.
1) If the mother and the father were never married, then the mother has 100% custody of the child, meaning the father will have to negotiate with the mother as far as visits are concerned.
2)A father does not maintain a kid in order to have access to the kid, but it's his responsibility to do so as long as he accepts the fact that the kid is his. That meams he is expected to maintain the child regardless of what the mother is doing
3) The "High Court" is where he can go and with issues of access if the mother does not oblige.

Reply to Stalush
Posted by: Jemma | 2004/12/09

Why must he continue to pay if the child is not his? How can the mother ask for more money but she refuses that your husband sees the child?

I can understand that you don't want the child to know that you are doing the test. Perhpas you can visit a clinic and ask them what exactly they need to do the test. Perhpas only a hair would be enough (or perhaps I watch to much CSI).

Try to get the child to visit you during the school holidays and then get some hair or skin or something. It is not always necessary for blood. Or you can tell the child that there's some or other illness in your husbands family and you want to make sure that he did not inherit it and then go for the blood tests. Also tell the mother that she will not get another sent from you unless the child comes and visit you.

I salute you for excepting this child for your husband's sake because you will never have children of your won but what does it help if you husband is not allowed to see the child.

Good luck.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: J | 2004/12/09

Has your hubby ever broached the subject of a test with the child's mother?.He can tell her that he will no longer pay towards maintenance until she agress to a paternity test.
I am sure he will be able to tell from her reaction whther she is aware that he is the father or not.

Reply to J
Posted by: Kay | 2004/12/09

If the mother wants an increase in the maintenance then she should be told to make the matter official through the maintenance court. Once she has applied for maintenance there your husband can request a paternity test and the results will be forwarded to the court and maintenace will then be implimented. Once there is an official maintenace request with your husbands name on it he can apply for legal visitation rights.

Reply to Kay

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.