Our expert says:
ec, you're right, it is definitely nonsense. At 17 and 20 they're very far from being "children" and can easily understand the situation, in which he is allowing himself to be manipulated. For a divorced man to spend some ti e with his children is understandable, to spend intimate holiday time with the AND HIS EX is not understandable or wise. And though these adult kids are being childish and showing great skill at hating, quite possibly orchestrated by Mama, they can't hate YOU as they've never met you, and thus don't know if you're adorable or loathsome --- they hate "that woman" who has broken up their parents marriage and taken their father.
I agree with those who think this is an outrageous and insulting idea, and for him to even contemplate it is insulting to you. You will and must, of course, make your own decisions, but personally I wouldn't ask him to hurry back --- I'd see this as disloyal, hopelessly naive in responding as if his vicious kids were toddlers, and wholly unloving.
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