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Question
Posted by: Heart Sore | 2005/07/19

Paranoid?

I am 29 years old, have a boyfriend who is 9 years older. Have been seeing him for 2 half years. Last year i found out via the grape vine that he had kissed another woman. We had discussed at the begining of our relationship that there was to be no messing around behind the other ones back. To me, kissing another woman is like wanting to sleep with her! I might be wrong, but my head says i'm right! Anyway, about 3 months ago, i had a suspision that he was seeing someone else. I looked at his phone, and there was a number he called frequently listed under a name which could be a man or a woman. I questioned him about it and his reply was that he is not like my ex boyfriend (ex is one of those casanovas whom i was stupid enough to stay with for over 4 years). Last week i went to a bar which he is a regular at for at least 5 months now, and the 1st time he has asked me to go with him. We were like our normal selves with eachother, so thought nothing of it. However, a woman was sitting across from us, just staring at me with basically daggers in her eyes. I questioned him about her, and he mentioned her name. I put 2 and 2 together, and he confirmed that the woman was the one who's number i found on his phone. He says they are just very, very good friends. But he doesn't know that i've looked at his phone more than once since that 1st time, and he called that nubmer a few times, even after 4 in the morning. Now, i don't know what to do! I want to believe him still, because I do Love him. This other woman is alot younger than myself, and she isn't the normal type of woman he would look at in a way that he would fall for her. But one never really knows hey? She could just really have a great personality for him to fall for her! My concern is that i don't want to get hurt like i did in my previous relationship. He had a kid with a woman while i was with him, he slept around all over, it just really built one big wall around my heart, which this present boyfriend tore down eventually. It started building up again when i found out about the woman he kissed, but got better, now it's right up there again, and i don't know if i'm just been paranoid, or is my Head right? He could be just good friends with her, but would really like your expert opinion on this... Thank you for taking the time to read this, and Thank you in advance for your reply.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Heart Sore,
I generally don't do cell-phone problems ! But surely nobody, except in desperate emergencies, calls a friend, or indeed anyone else, after 4 am ! I don't see any alternative, though, to talking this through frankly with him --- nobody else can tell you what to do, and few others could tell you what, if anything this two might be getting up to. But VM's suggestions seems sound --- encourage a further visit to that bar, and this time insist very pleasantly that he introduce you to his friend --- if they're only pals, there's no reason why he wouldn't do so ( or why he wouldn't have done so last time ) ; and you'll have a far better chance to assess the situation in conversation with her.

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Our users say:
Posted by: VM | 2005/07/20

I always say that you should trust your instincts, very seldom are they wrong. Next time you go there ask him to introduce you to his 'good friend'.

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