Posted by: Brad | 2007/04/24

Painful anal sex

I am a 32-year old gay, "bottom" male. My partner of 2½ years has a large penis (in excesss of 20cm) which is also extremely thick. It was painful in the beginning, but I quickly got used to it, and intercourse became fantastic.

In the last few months though, I have experienced pain when having intercourse. It lasts right through until my partner ejaculates. Previously, it just hurt a little in the beginning.

The pain in only there when penetration occurs. There is no pain thereafter, and no signs of bleeding or swelling.

Could it be that the pain is occurring due to us having less sex these days than we had before? We used to have sex virtually every day for the first year, and it has now dwindled to about 2 or 3 times a week. Could it be that I was "used to" the stretch while having sex regularly and that its irregularity now causes more tightness?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Brad and thanks for an interesting post.

Your anal discomfort could possibly be due to your not being totally relaxed. Possibly your partner is spending less time preparing you for penetration (through foreplay) or it could be due to your not feeling 100% relaxed in your relationship. Besides the sex, what else is happening in your relationship? Are you feeling as confident and 'safe' as you were a year ago? Has there been a decline in the level of non-sexual intimacy in your relationship?

Two or three sexual sessions a week should not account for your increased sense of tightness. Is it possible that on some level you're concerned that you're becoming less attractive to your partner, and less confident of your sexual self? And thus less relaxed? Remember that sex has more to do with what's cooking in your mind and less to do with pure biology.

A decline in the frequency of sex, over time, is quite normal.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Brad | 2007/04/26


Thanks so much for your reply. We are still quite happy in our relationship, and I actually feel far better about myself than I did in the beginning (when I had a bit of a body complex).

I will speak to my partner because, come to think of it, little time is spent on foreplay these days. He used to spend lots of time around my "flagellum area" previously because it drove me wild. He also used to insert one or two lubed fingers to get me ready (as I needed 'coaxing' in the beginning due to his size). I then got used to his size, and no longer needed the 'fingers', etc. Foreplay is now non-existent, depsite me loving it.

How should I handle this? Am I being selfish if I demand foreplay every time we have sex?

Reply to Brad
Posted by: Chameleon_boy | 2007/04/24

Damn!! That still is a lot of sex... ok i have to say i agree, my bf and i can have sex daily for 3 days, the first day always painful, because the time before that was 2 months ago...

Reply to Chameleon_boy

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