Posted by: Mixi | 2007/07/30


How do I stop my brain to not overanalyzing every single detail? I am making myself mad. I am my own worst enemy because I overanalyse everything and then I get confused and change my opinion over something every 5 minutes.

How can I teach my brain to become calm and to just live from day to day? Please help!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like this may be a variety of Obsessive Compulsive personality or even OCD ( OC DIsorder ). See a good local shrink for a proper assessment of this. CBT counselling and some drugs including some antidepressants, can greatly help in this condition

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Our users say:
Posted by: Same Boat | 2007/07/31

Hi Mixi and John

I used to be on the same boat as Mixi. CBT and other interventions helped me a lot. In fact a lot of things happened in my life including being controlled, emotionally & psychologically abused, and woken up by being taken to the maintanance court by my wife demanding that I pay her thousands of rands over and above the household expenses that I pay.

I must admit that I found myself kissing several frogs before meeting the right therapist and other interventions. We assessed my value system and upbringing which the CB Therapist argued inform my automatic thoughts, emotions and how I behave/react. It was a challenging process. After 8 sessions I was able to identify areas in my persona that I needed to work on and develop with different people.

I really woke up and trusted my judgement after one expert intervention revealed to me that I am better than I give myself credit. From then on, I do not care whether a person does not agree with me, I do not take that personally, I just tell myself that it is his or her view and they are entitled to it. Most importantly this is how I see things and I am confident about it without being self-righteous.

What could also prevent you from making a decision and sticking to it (stop being over-analytical etc) and enjoy life could be having incorrect expectations (of yourself or of others). When you expect, for instance that people must always love you, be on your side, or to think your way or even you to think their way, could make you to keep changing your mind/opinion and have no stand. We cannot expect people to agree with us all the time. hence, they invented the word "disagree", and phrases like "for progress let's agree to disagree" etc. Do not expect people to like you. People will always take you or accept you from the point where you put/position yourself. If you come across as a pleaser (ass-sucker) people will always take you from there and use you. If you are firm, decisive and unweavering people will love and respect you for that.

What is interesting is how one, for example, has acquired that doubt about their capability to make decision independently. For instance, in some communities, as a child you do not have a right to talk, express yourself or even to ask questions about certain things or parents. Another cause could be surrounded by people, spouses or froend or sibblings, that continuously make mockery of you, playing pranks on you or spouse or g/bf that dominates you or talk you down to an extent that you may find yourself really doubting your capacity.

So, Mixi, you have a very heavy tide to work against. Just be strong and stay focused. Some will embrace your journey while others will throw stones at your adventure and try to insult it and undermine it. Have a person that you can get guide from and be accountable to in the process so that you do not veer.

Joh F Demartini says that:
Every human being wants to live happily. The only difference and what sets each one of them apart is that happiness is to each relative to each one's set of values.

Nobody wants to live according to somebody else;
You only stay focussed ONLY IF you do things and live according to your highest values;
You only want to know how to stay focussed or being decisive when as a person you try to be somebody you are not. That is
a. when you compare yourself to somebody else or something else;
b. when you want to abandon your self of values;
c. when you do not love yourself,
d. when you are not being grateful;
e. when you are being fearful (of spiritual/religious authority, not having education, failing, losing money, being impoverished, losing loved ones or respect from others = trying to please others)

God bless you

Reply to Same Boat
Posted by: Mixi | 2007/07/30

Thank you, John - much appreciated.

Reply to Mixi
Posted by: John | 2007/07/30

This brings to mind the old joke: "I wonder if I am indecisive? Yes....I think so, actually, not always so no....but then again, yes....but now I'm not sure..."

Over-analysing is a symptom of your inability to reach a conclusion or decision and to stick with it. Perhaps you do not trust your own judgement or your own decision-making processes.

You need to develop this vitally important life-skill as you will forever second-guess yourself or be a victim of an indeterminate life.

I'm not sure if a shrink can help with this - probably aspects of self-esteem are within a shrinks reach but, if not, you need to attend a course or read a book on decision-making processes. It may be of some help to read a succesful person's autobiography - these individuals are usually decisive and really good out making quick - and correct - decisions so there may be some hint or aspect of their behaviour that you could learn.

The CS will give clearer guidelines on whether shrinkology is useful for you.

Perhaps, while you wait for the CS to give a more informed opinion, you can, for yourself, describe how you are currently going about making decisions? Assume that your best friend, a life long friend, has invited you to his birthday bash and needs you to be there, and that your boss has invited you to his home on the same evening, hinting that it would be good for your career to attend, you could describe, to yourself, how you would go about making a decision in these circumstances and be able to defend that decision with some vigour.

Reply to John

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