Our expert says:
Do I understand that he makes would-be helpful suggestions even when you're merely informing him, not actually asking for suggestions ?
Sounds as though he is courting, seeking, rejections. SOmetimes a person approaches life with a set of rigid expectations and assumptions - such as "whenever I offer something to the person I love, it will be rejected." Whether based on childhood experiences or whatever, this readily becomes the basis for a set of self-fulfilling prophecies - he sets himself up for rejection, as, although these aren't in themselves pleasant experiences, they bring the deeper pleasure of confirming his prejudices about himself and the world.
Some people are only pleased by being displeased.
Try to understand these episodes and events as little dramas he constructs for himself, not realizing what he is doing, and in which you play an essential bit part - but they're not actually about you. Do not acept labels of "bad person". YOU know they are not accurate. It's about him feeling that the world is filled with Bad People who will hurt him whenever given the chance, not about YOU actually being bad.
This would be fruitful territory to discuss with your therapist, to explore alternate ways for you to respond when he does this, or when you see such a scnario being constructed, so as to vary the ending, to make it harder for him to cast you as the Bad Person, and more as a sympathetic and understanding perdon - you and he against the world, rather than you being part of the world he sees as being inherently against him.
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