Posted by: NN | 2007/11/30


I do not know if I am over-reacting but I would like to get some advise. I stay with my bf. Well I actually stay by my mom but have been by my bf for the past two months. I refuse to move in permanently with him as he has kicked me out before with nowhere to go. Ok, so he fired the maid this week. On the day that I was off sick for a tummy bug. So in my sick state I cleaned the house. My bf said he would help me around the house in the meantime. That lasted one day. He said he would call and get another one the very next day – this was Tuesday. So I called today and got a mid to come and clean once a week. He flipped because he thought we were going to do the house work together. Oh pls he cannot even pick up his wet towel off the floor. At the moment I cook every night, wash the dishes and then just tidy up the house. Now I must do the washing, the ironing, dusting, cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming. I go to work everyday and when I come home I am tired and do not have time to clean a 3 bedroom house and still iron. He works late so when he gets home the house is clean and food already made. He works on weekends and plays golf – can you see how much time he has to help me clean. So I told him that I am still a guest in his house and I do not mind doing house work but I am not replacing the maid and said that if he has a problem then I will rather go stay by my mom and then see him on weekends and see how he copes on his own. And now he is disappointed in me saying I am running away from the problem. What do you think?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What problem does he think you are running away from ? Your comments sound sensible, and his bother about getting a maid sounds unreasomnable. Maria's right, he sounds horribly like an unreconstructed iold-time chauvenist. I suppose his mom used to do everything for him, and now you're supposed to take over ? Keep your independence and seriously re-evaluate this relationship

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Our users say:
Posted by: Britty | 2007/11/30

Well it may not have been pleasant what you've been through with this boyfriend but at least you know what it will be like to be married to him - not a nice thought. You sound a very caring and supportive person and he does not deserve you, find someone else who will appreciate you. Take care.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: anon | 2007/11/30

Hire a full time maid and make him pay for her! You are not his maid/mother/housekeeper.

He is manipulating you trying to control you. You need to set your boundaries and be firm and assertive and tell him to take a hike!

You deserve better than to be treated this way.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Hope* | 2007/11/30

He sounds rather selfish. You are not running away from the problem, he wont let you solve the problem by having a maid once a week. Soon you might find yourself "barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen"

Reply to Hope*
Posted by: Maria | 2007/11/30

I think you should find a new boyfriend, who isn't stuck in the middle ages thinking it is a woman's responsibility to cook and clean. Look at what you are giving him: a clean house, cooked food, sex when he wants it. What is he doing for you in return?

Reply to Maria

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