Posted by: Thesoma | 2008/11/07

Over controlling mother...

How do I deal with an overly controlling mother? I feel trapped cause I can' t leave the house for more than two hours without getting into trouble. By the way I' m 27 yrs old. I have to be home by 6h00 pm or else she gets upset. If I want to go somewhere like a wedding of a friend or braai and she doesn' t want me to go, she won' t babysit for me and I end up not going. She starts taking away stuff that I need as punishment. She once took my car. She once told me that if I don' t pack my clothing cupborad they she wants I can' t go to my bestfriends wedding and she won' t babysit either. Hows that for depression. It goes deeper then the stuff I just said. She treats me like a total stranger sometimes...The way she speaks to me, the words she uses... :-( PLS HELP!!??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh, that really IS an over-controlling mother, treating you like you were 7, not 27. Is there ANY option of your moving from her home, to maybe share with a friend, to have your own place ? If you can afford a car, etc., can't you afford yout own place ? Maybe the friend could help babysit for you, and vice versa.
And meanwhile, you need to talk with her calmly but firmly, making it clear that this has to change, that you are an adult and need to be treated as one. Presumably you pay her something towards the expenses of the home ? That could both be saved for your own place, or withheld if she makes things unbearable for you. And remind her that if she takes your car, or anything else belonging to you, you can call the police and lay charges of theft.
Are there other senior members of the family you could discuss this with, who could talk to her ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: DDR | 2008/11/08

The problem here is that you mother has been getting away with this for a few years.You would need to stand up to her and be a man.I had the same me.It takes a couple of times that youll have to stand up to her till the message gets through.
Also remember that if you are staying at her would need to follow her rules.Unfortunately thats how it goes.If you are staying with her then try getting your own place.

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