Posted by: Barnie | 2005/06/13

Other Woman interfering in marraige

We have been married for 5 years now (been together for 10) and I must say we've had our fare share of problems the last five years. We lost a child in our first year of marriage, he only lived two days and this is where the problems began. Instead of me and hubby talking about this, we withdrew from each other, he talked to another woman and I became a workaholic. After many waters in the sea, we turned on the divorce court entrance we are now happy withe each other, or so I think.

This other woman he turned to is much younger, nine years younger than us and their so called "friendship" stepped outside the boundries of friendship according to me, he would stay out late and then later I would find out he was in some or other pub with her and her friends and so on. I stood for all this because I love my husband and I believe he will not cheat on me. Anyway, this carried on for some time untill I couldn't take it anymore and I gave him an ultamatim - he must choose, he stays and we are like a married couple or he leaves and he is free to do what he wants to. He stayed. This woman then moved to New Zeeland, her parents and brother are also staying there. Anyway, and our marriage was going great. This was now last year October she left and eversince we have been very happy. I must also say that the day before she left was a big scene - he stayed out till 11:00 the Sunday Morning (From the Saturday evening) and then I waited for her at her place where she stayed and I gave her a piece of my mind and then I went home and gave my husband a piece of my mind too and that was when I gave him the altimatum.

Anyway as I have said, eversince, everyting was going really well.

About a month ago on my husbands birthday we were having lunch with friend at a restaurant he receives a SMS on my phone(His phone was not working at the tim) and it is from one of her friends which is our neighbours daughter wishing him happy birthday etc and trues bob - she puts this woman "Glen" name there aswell. I went ballistic - so I SMS'ed them back and told them to get a live and get company of their own age, we are married and we don't have a place for cheap girls like them in our lives. My husband was at firt cross with me, but I told him to stay out of if , this is between me and this woman now, because she does not want to listen.

That was the end of it. Yesterday afternoon we were taking a nap and hubby fell asleep infront of the TV and I went upstairs to the baby's room to play with the kids. (We have two daughters now). Next moment his phone rings, which is in our bedroom on the charger next to the baby room. I ran to pick it up, but was too late. Check to see who it's from and there is is - it is an international number and it is not my sister (She stays in Holland). Try to phone the number back - but his phone is barred for international calling. This morning when I got to work I phone the number and guess who answers.. this flippen bitch. I just put the phone done but I am so upset - what is it with her, why can't she just leave my husband alone. I'ts not that he is calling her, because his phone can't phone internationally, so she is just a stubborn bitch. He does not know that I know she is calling him, I haven't said anything by now, I am afraid for a confrontation because in the past when we faught about her, he use to take her side. Although that is all in the past, I am still afraid to bring up the topic because he will say its nothing. He will probably tell me she phoned to simpathise(spelling??) because his grandfather passed away in the week. If so, what the hell does it have to do with her and how does she know anyway - is the neighbours daughter her informant? Maybe I should wrap her over the fingers aswell.

I know I sound very controlling - but I am so afraid to go through the same shit I went trough this last two years - I don't have the energy for it. Now also hear that "she" is coming to visit in November for a few weeks, thats probably why she is trying to open the communication channels again with my hubby. He has his own company and his time is more or less his own, he has a lot of freedom during the day - previously she use to ride along with him during the day because I am at work.

What should I do - I do not want to act before I have thought this thing through - I need to take control of the situation and get rid of this bleddie woman -but how?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like he and she got into the habit of commiserating when any problem arose in their lives --- but surely she has now left the country and needs to move on and develop a life of her own rather than being so dependent on your husband. Maybe phone her back, don't hang up, don't get too angry, but just tell her that your marriag is fine now, but for her interference and that she much stop calling or contacting either of you. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she is upsetting you.
And you could talk with uim about how the neighbour's interfering little daughter seems to know so much about him and you, and to ask him to make sure she doesnt get any gossip to make mischief with. Buss's suggestions makes a lot of sense, too.

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Our users say:
Posted by: me | 2005/06/13

just tell her he has hiv

Reply to me
Posted by: Lucy | 2005/06/13

Well there was something I saw that worked with someone I know. The girl also did not want to leave her hubby alone and he really did not want anything to do with her. All it took was for him to call her and calmly explain to her that he is over their affair or so called friendship and that her calling and sms'ing him causes HIM feeling bad and awkward. That he is happy with is marriage and that she must move on and leave him and his family alone and my friend was sitting there to hear every word he told the girl. That open the their eyes. If he loves you and the kids and want to make it work maybe that will work for the two of you. O and it work for my friend. IF that doesn't work you can change your phone nr's.

Reply to Lucy
Posted by: !!! | 2005/06/13

You are not unreasonble. My hubby also has a bitch like that. And no matter what I do she still calls him and sms.

I really dont like to admit but the problem is out hubby's. They should tell this cows to leave them alone. But that can only happen if they want to be left alone. It hurts believe me I know. I cried many nights still crying for this issue but it is up to them to decide.

But my next move is to go bleksim the bitch and show my hubby that I mean business.

Reply to !!!
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/06/13

hi there

i don't have the time to read your entire posting but let me just say something
you and hubby are a unit - you are one family and NO ONE can come in unless either of you invites her/him in

she could not have come between you without your hubby's invitation

sorry girl


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Rene | 2005/06/13

The cow needs to butt out of your lives for once and for all. You have had enough stress to deal with. I'm sure the common tart gets a kick out of upsetting you because she surely knows it upsets you. Your husband should stick up for you and i really feel he needs to tell her not to contact him ever again. Never mind their friendship for all these years, etc. She really is not needed in your life and she needs to be told for once and for all to PISS OFF.

Reply to Rene
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/06/13

You didn't do anything wrong by answering his phone, even if he wasn't sleeping. And after all the trouble you've had, I'm not surprised that you phoned the number this morning to check. You are his wife after all! This woman is way out of line. Your gave your husband an ultimatum and he chose to be with you. That excludes female colleagues whom he used to go to pubs with. Unless he's changed his mind, he has no reason whatsoever to have any more contact with this woman. Speak to your husband and ask him if he still wants her to contact him. If the answer is yes, then there's your answer. If he says no, then he should phone this woman and tell her to but out of your marriage. If I was you, I'd tell the little neighbour to stop contacting your husband too. If that doesn't help, change your telephone numbers. Your husband needs to grow up too!

Reply to Buzz

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