Posted by: Jong Jong | 2008/09/26

Orgasm? Worried

Hallo I am a husband to someone. Our sex life is fine and she confirms it. But reading from this column gets me worried. How can I see that she reaches orgasm without depending on her what she says?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Don't let reading other people's perspectives worry you, if it seems to be going well and it is confirmed by your wife, then try not to worry.

When it comes to the female orgasm, you can't 'see to it' that she reaches orgasm. She needs to be interested in achieving it too, and she may be one of the women who struggles to reach orgasm. In fact 70% of women reach orgasm on only every 2nd or 3rd time sexual encounter with a partner. Some women struggle to reach orgasm at all. In order for a woman to reach orgasm, she needs to communicate clearly with her partner about what feels good. There are a number of reasons why women aren't able to reach orgasm, including: inadequate knowledge of their sexual response, fear of 'letting go' and what this might mean (e.g. some women are afraid of losing control, some fear that they might wee), side effect of some medication (e.g. antidepressants), inadequate arousal, tiredness, etc. So as you can see, you are only part of the story and if you want to 'pleasure her', then she needs to be in agreement with this and be willing to explore reasons for her difficulty.

Try not to pressure her though, as this is a guaranteed way to chases the sexual response away, but you could gently discuss with her your wish to please her too and what it would mean for you to be able to give her that sort of pleasure.

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Our users say:
Posted by: nick | 2008/09/26

You will feel contractions in her vagina. Sometimes harder and sometimes softer. Also when she' s done be stil and listen to her hart, is it going mad or normal. If normal she just faked.

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