Our expert says:
You have asked two important questions. I will respond to your second question first. Having an orgasm is not required for falling pregnant. If your partner ejaculates inside your vagina, the sperm then travel through the opening of your cervix and into your fallopian tubes and on to find and fertilise an "egg" ovum. Orgasm can assist the process of the sperm moving through the cervical opening because during the arousal, plateau and orgasm stages of sexual response the uterus elevates and the cervix "tents" making movement of the sperm through easier. If you have been using a contraceptive for a long period of time, especially the injection, then it does take some time for some woman to fall pregnant. I do suggest you consult your GP pr the nursing sister at your local contraception clinic for more advice.
You do not specify whether you are non orgasmic in all aspects of your sexual expression. Do you experience orgasm when you masturbate? Do you experience orgasm when your partner manually or orally stimulates you? Are you only non-orgasmic during penetrative sex? The primary trigger for orgasm for most woman is the stimulation of the clitoris. It is firstly important that a women learn to stimulate herself, whilst masturbating, and explore and discover what type of stimulation of her clitoris steadily increases her levels of erotic sensation and what type of stimulation, in intensity and focus, brings her to the point of orgasm. This is not the same for every woman. Once a woman learnt what works for her she is then in a position to teach and guide her partner in what type of stimulation, especially of the clitoris, she prefers. We often suggest that couples, as part of their sex play, masturbate for each other so that the partner can see where and how their partner stimulates themselves and then "copy" it.
It is also important that you know that most woman are not orgasmic during penetrative sex. The reason being that in most sexual positions, there is not enough direct stimulation of the clitoris during thrusting, that would be sufficient in intensity and focus for a woman to reach orgasm. If a woman wishes to reach orgasm during penetrative sex, then additional stimulation of the clitoris is often needed. So depending on the sexual position, either the woman herself or her partner can reach with their hands and fingers and stimulate the clitoris at the same time as the thrusting is happening. This will increase her chances of reaching orgasm during penetrative sex. Of course there is no "right" time to have an orgasm during sex. A woman can have an orgasm before penetration, during penetrative sex or after penetrative sex etc.
Many factors also influence woman with regards to their sexuality and being orgasmic, such as inexperience, feelings of shame and guilt, very conservative religious and cultural upbringing, negative and/or traumatic past sexual experiences etc. In such cases I would suggest consulting a therapist who also specialises in sex therapy to assist you in overcoming such limitation on your sexuality.
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